


song of the sea

by spookyscaryskeletons (Buttons15)



Series: the 100 but the gays live and the science makes sense i guess [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Grounder Culture, Latino culture, Literary References & Allusions, Minor Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:14:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 26,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25584202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttons15/pseuds/spookyscaryskeletons
Summary: The first impression Raven Reyes got from Luna kom Floukru was that she was deadly and as dangerous as a predator.And that was just odd.Because the second impression Raven got was that Luna was really great with children.--a short tale about living with pain and falling in love
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Luna/Raven Reyes
Series: the 100 but the gays live and the science makes sense i guess [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1848448
Comments: 80
Kudos: 116





	1. Chapter 1

It felt like a blessing from god – or, as the grounders liked to say it, from the gods – that the door opened when it did. And Raven Reyes did consider herself a lucky person, spine damage aside. An interruption was, in fact, just what she needed, because she’d been mulling over Finn for the whole day, and meeting new people was maybe the one thing that could get a stuck thought out of her head.

A woman walked through the door, frowning at the scene in front of her. The first thing Raven noticed was the way she moved. She held herself like a hunting predator – calm, confident, purposeful in her stride – and Raven caught herself immediately thinking, strangely enough, of Lexa’s body language. It was the distinct sense of peril, maybe.

The second thing she noticed was that the woman was beautiful, in that dangerous way of hers. So it was probably her self-destructive impulse – the one thing stronger than her survival instincts – which got her to speak up next.

That, and the unyielding need to explode things with the aid of her little assistant – or her second, as the grounders called him. “Hey there, stranger. Can you pick the kid up for me? My leg is busted.”

Aden, bless his soft little soul, did not hesitate to run up to the woman’s legs. Raven needed to have a serious talk with him about stranger danger. The woman picked him up, and the way she smiled when she did it completely dissipated her threatening aura. It was so infectious, so joyful, Raven caught her own lips quirking up before she could even notice what she was doing.

“Thank you,” Raven nodded her appreciation. “Bring him over, won’t you? I want to show him something.” She picked the forceps up from the table and used it to grab a white block. “Now, Aden. Do you know what this is?”

He scrunched his brows together. “Sodium?”

“Yes. Perfect.” Aden beamed with the praise, showing the whole world his missing tooth. He was so cute. If he and Lexa hadn’t imprinted on each other like a baby goose and his mother, Raven would totally steal him for herself. “And where is sodium on the periodic table?”

Aden hesitated. The woman, whoever she was, didn’t interrupt them. If Aden’s weight on her arms was becoming a burden, she didn’t show it – though Raven had learned quickly that grounders weren’t the type to complain, even when things _did_ get too heavy.

“On the first row.” Aden replied, hesitant. Raven nodded for him to continue, and he spoke more confidently. “So it’ll make a base when it comes in contact with water. Exotermic reaction.” He paused. “Water would split into one free hydrogen?”

“And one oxygen bound to the other hydrogen.” Raven extended him the forceps. “Here, hold it. Use both your hands, they’re too tiny.” She helped him wrap his fingers around it. “Now drop it in the water bucket and let’s see what happens. Glasses,” She pointed to his head, and he lowered them over his eyes.

Raven looked at the woman, took off her own security glasses and carefully placed it over her eyes. “Trust me on this one, ma’am. When he drops it, you step back, okay?” She leaned in and whispered close to her ear. “It’s going to blow up!”

The woman gave her an alarmed look. “I – is this safe?”

“Absolutely not!” Raven grinned like a maniac “But you have a window of maybe three seconds from when it starts bubbling until the energy builds up enough. Ready?”

“Ready!” Aden chirped. The woman nodded, albeit looking alarmed.

Raven took a couple steps back and ducked behind a table. She gave Aden a thumbs up, and he dropped the block of sodium into the bucket. “Step away!” She yelled. “Notice how the reaction releases hydrogen, Aden! That’s what the smoke is! Back off, back off, back off –“

The woman was next to her faster than she thought possible. It was barely time enough – a split second later, the room shook with the explosion. Raven blocked her eyes with her arm, laughing and coughing and laughing some more. “Ha! Hahahahaha! Awesome!”

“Awesome!” Aden repeated, jumping to the ground. Raven offered him her open palm, and he high-fived her. There was a bit of fuming sodium on top of his hair, and Raven flicked it away with her finger. “Thanks, auntie Raven! This was so cool!”

“You did good, _chiquito._ ” She ruffled his hair, then stood, offering the woman a hand. “Thank you for the help. I’m sure the little tyke will be big enough to carry me on his shoulders someday. You grounders get so fucking big. For now, though, he still needs a little hand, and my traitor of a leg wouldn’t hold.” The woman stood, then took her hand and shook it. Raven smiled. “Ah. I get ahead of myself, so let me start again. Hi. I’m Raven _kom Skaikru_.”

“Luna _kom_ _Floukru_.”

Raven tilted her head. “Boat people. That’s a clan I don’t hear of often. Pleased to meet you, Luna. What brings you to Polis in general and to my humble chop-shop in particular?”

“The Commander has asked for Aden.”

“Ah! You hear that, buddy?” She tapped him on the shoulder. “ _Jefe_ is calling. Go get cleaned up, you’re a mess. I need to ask Clarke if she has one of those fancy whitecoats of hers about your size.”

“Okay!” He ran off to the back of the room to get changed.

Raven turned her attention back to Luna, who had been watching the two intently. “Kids, am I right?”

Luna tilted her head. “I’m not sure what you mean.” She paused. “He seems to like you.”

“Of course he likes me. I’m the fun-loving aunt. I let him blow things up.” She wiped her hands on her jeans. “The Commander is too strict with him. Don’t get me wrong, I love Lexa, but she’s a bit of a hardass. Should I say those things about your _Heda?_ Probably not. It’s true, though.”

“I think you’ll find the Commander is plenty fun loving, she just has an unusual sense of humor.”

“Huh.” Raven narrowed her eyes. “You’re not wrong, but this isn’t the impression most people get from her. You two close?”

Luna eyed her with what seemed like newfound respect. “You could say so. You’re a sharp one.”

“Thanks. It’s to compensate for the limp. A buff here, a nerf there, that’s just how life is.” When Luna gave her a quizzical look. Raven sighed, then waved her off. “Just _Skaikru_ slang, don’t worry about it.”

“You really _are_ strange people.”

“Could say the same about you grounders. Or boat people, I suppose.” She hesitated. “Does that mean you’re not grounders? You’re… oceaners, or maybe –“ Aden ran up to Raven and hugged her legs, nearly throwing her off balance. “Hi, buddy.”

“Are you coming with me, auntie?”

“Nah, I don’t think I’m invited for this.” She adjusted the clothes on his shoulders and combed his hair with her finger. 

“Aren’t you?” Luna watched her with interest. “ _Heda_ said it was a family meeting. Aden is her family. Klark _kom Skaikru_ is also her family.” Luna paused. “Are you? You have implied you know her as more than just a subject.”

“I –“ Raven was stunned by the question. “I mean, family sounds like big leap. I’m just her mechanic.”

“You’re the interim minister of technology.”

“Well, yes, but that’s just a fancy title, and what’s a fancy title anyway?” She shifted on her feet. “I don’t like them. I’m a woman of humble birth. It makes me feel like an imposter. Anyhow. Commander wanting me on a family meeting? Wild assumption.”

“ _Heda_ loves you, though,” Aden pointed out, grabbing Raven’s hand. “She says it all the time. You should come.”

“She does?!”

Aden nodded, already dragging her. “Yes! All the time. When she sits on her spinning chair she goes ‘I love Raven’ and when she plays with the _Skaikru_ toys you gave her she goes ‘I love Raven’ and when she lies under the blanket that warms itself up she says –“

Raven gave Luna a look of distress, stumbling after him, and Luna moved to keep up with them. “Wait. You said family only. Clarke is her girl, and Aden is her kid, and I’m… I don’t know. She gave me a sister braid, once, but I didn’t make anything of it –“

“She did _what –“_

“Wait!” Raven raised her palm to stop her. “I’m asking the questions.” She raised her fingers, using them to count. “Girlfriend. Adopted son. Zero-G mechanic.” She paused. “And you are…”

“My sister.” Lexa spoke up from behind them, placing one hand on Raven’s shoulder, and the other on Luna’s. “Hi, Raven. I heard you and Fin are over. I see you’ve met my sister. You’re already a sister to me, but if you and Luna got together, that would make us officially family.”

“ _Pendeja, pero que puta mierda –“_

“ _Lexa_ ,” Clarke chided, but Luna burst out laughing, and Raven couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer absurdity of the situation.

“What? I think they’d work well together.” Lexa picked Aden up, and he looked at her with such adoration, Raven was almost jealous. “Hi, little _natblida_. Did you work hard today?”

“Yes, _Heda!_ ”

Raven rolled her eyes and left the mother hen tend to her child. It did not escape her how Clarke was quick to join Lexa on the task, and she turned her attention back to Luna, scowling in mock disgust. “Gross.”

Luna frowned. “You don’t think they make a good pair?”

“No, they make a perfect pair, that’s the point. Gross!” Luna’s expression showed even more confusion, and Raven scoffed. “You know, everyone is envious of Clarke, how she managed to snatch the _jefe_ of the whole human race. But it’s actually Lexa I’m envious of.”

“Oh?” Luna took a seat by the table, and now Raven definitely had her attention.

Raven pulled the chair across from Luna’s and sat down. “Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, Clarke is a lucky one. Lexa is a simple person. Emotionally, I mean. That’s not an insult, it’s a truth. I can tell, cause I’m like that, too.” She shrugged. “People like us, we love wholeheartedly. We give all of us. Most people don’t, and…” Raven grit her teeth. “This is dumb. I’m emotional because I just broke up, that’s all.”

“No, please finish your thought.” Luna gave her a small yet welcoming smile. “This might be the first time in the evening when I actually know what you’re talking about.”

Raven groaned, then thought it over some more. “People who love like we do get their hearts broken easily, that’s all. But I know Clarke. Clarke can be a snake, but there’s something inside her deeply idealistic, and Lexa inspires her to keep believing. Clarke will never let her go. So it’s Lexa I envy, because she’s found someone safe to give her heart to. Damn.” She sighed and raised her head, staring at the ceiling. “Find me a love like that.”

Luna stared at her in silence for a long moment. “You’re an insightful person, Raven _kom Skaikru_. I’m sorry for your heartbreak.” She reached across the table and touched Raven’s hand. She was warm, impossibly so, and Raven found it far more comforting than she’d expected. “I hope your pain eases soon.”

“Thank you.” Raven took a deep, shaky breath, feeling the urge to cry. She repressed it with all her might. “Damn, this party sucks. Where’s the food? Where are the drinks?” She turned around and looked for Lexa. “ _Jefe!_ I thought we were going to have dinner. Where’s dinner? Where are the snacks?”

“We’re waiting for Indra and Anya and the others to arrive.” Lexa turned to her, still carrying Aden. “Though I suppose I could have food brought ahead for you. Forgive me. You’ve been teaching Aden all day, you’re bound to be hungry.”

“No, it’s all right. I can wait.” She turned to Luna. “ _Puta,_ she’s so sweet. Look at her, making heart eyes at her girl, who will never wake up one day and find her boring. God DAMN it.” She drummed her fingers on the table. “ _Pendejo de mierda. Hijo de la puta madre.”_

“What happened between you and your former lover, if you don’t mind me asking?” 

“I gave him all of me. He didn’t return it. To be frank, I don’t know if he’s even capable of that.” She shook her head and sniffled. “He’s too fickle, too… I don’t know. Too complicated. People are too complicated. Except Lexa, she’s just like me. Lucky bastard.” She sighed. “Though that’s not fair. It’s not luck. She _is_ inspiring. That’s what I’m envious of. That I’ll never be like that.”

“Hmm.”

She waited for Luna to continue, and when she didn’t, Raven scowled. “What, I open up to you like a book and that’s all the feedback you have to give me? Come _on_.”

Luna interlaced their fingers, and Raven loved the way she was so open and casual with touch. It was a Grounder thing – one which joyfully matched her own Latino culture – but it was also, particularly, something she’d come to associate with Lexa, because Lexa was the only person who did it just as naturally as Luna just had. 

Luna stared at her with piercing attention. “It’s interesting how both of you acknowledge you are alike.”

“Wait, really?” Raven straightened her back, resisting the urge to squirm. “Did she talk about me? What did she say?”

“That you were just like her, but with self-esteem issues.” Luna gave her a slow, almost lazy grin, and again Raven caught herself smiling in response even though her words had been mildly insulting. “I told her that was impossible to imagine, but now I see it.”

“That… does sounds like the kind of thing she would say, yeah. Commander Bitch.” She shook her head. “No, it’s actually kind of sweet of her. She’s badass and she knows it, and if she thinks we’re alike that means she thinks I’m cool, too. That has to count for something.”

Luna fell silent for a moment, and there was a subtle shift on her body language. She was hard to read, and Raven was no good at reading people on first place, but her manners were so reminiscent of Lexa’s, it was easy for Raven to identify the sagging of her shoulders and the impossible, silent sadness in her gaze.

“Lexa’s charisma – our charisma – it came from a hard place. We were raised into playing people, into lying, into hurting, into cheating. It speaks volumes of her that what she took from it was how to touch people’s hearts. But this?” She pointed to Lexa with her chin. “Lexa was never a natural at politics, though at the end of the day, it’s her being genuine which enchants people the most. But she hurt a lot to get here. I say this because she makes it seem easy. But I know her, and I know it is not.”

Raven crossed her arms and looked away. “I figured.” She took a deep breath and released it through her teeth. “She deserves her happiness. I never thought otherwise, if only because she listens.” She looked back at Luna, then shook her head with a smile. “There’s no way around this fact, unfortunately – your doofus of a sister and I are best friends.”

“You deserve happiness, too.” Luna was still holding her hand, and Raven suddenly found herself feeling self-aware. “You said you envy my… ‘doofus of a sister’ for being inspiring, and it’s true no one else can fill her role. But you’re inspiring, too. Aden looks up to you immensely. And I, well.” She tilted her head, and her hair partly covered her face. “I’ve only just met you, but I already want to get to know you more.”

 _She’s such a gentle soul._ Raven cleared her throat. “I, ah. Thank you. I’m more fun than this, usually. And you’re, um, you’re pretty nice.” _Dear god, I’m a nightmare._

Luna smiled. She was far more open with her feelings than Lexa, or maybe she was just more deliberate at showing them. “You’re pleasant company. Don’t put yourself down.”

Raven groaned. “Luna, look, I appreciate the pep talk, really. I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I’m not naturally this mopey, honestly, I’m very accomplished and I know that. But girl, I just got dumped. Let me be miserable for a while.”

Luna seemed genuinely insulted at that. “No. That’s undignified.”

“ _Puta_ that was exactly what your sister said – hey, food is here.” She watched a pair of grounders walk in with delicious smelling meat, and was suddenly possessed by god-knew-what when she looked back at Luna. “Hey, maybe after dinner we could hang out? You can tell me your sister’s embarrassing childhood stories?” She paused, feeling silly. “We could, uh. Go somewhere. Or not. Never mind –“

“I’d love to.”

“ – never mind the never mind. Let’s do it. Definitely.” She smiled. “See? Did I get my dignity back?”

“… you’re a weird one, Raven _kom Skaikru_.”

“Maybe. I’m charming, though, aren’t I?” She raised her hand. “Don’t answer. Rhetoric question. Please let me think you find me charming, at least. A disaster, but an endearing one. Please. Just let me have this one win.”

“Okay?”

“Thank you.” Raven knew she had to let go of her hand to put some food on the plate, but she let her fingers linger a little bit longer. “I think you’re pretty charming, too.”

* * *

Raven was a woman of routine and habits. Her mind was plenty chaotic in itself, and she needed order in her life to function. So she got up every day at eight sharp, and she made her bed, and she changed for work, and she put María Juana on the window so it could catch some sun, and then she picked her things up and left. When she got home, usually after lunch, she moved her plant back to its hidden spot on the closet.

Raven was a woman of routine, and when that routine was broken, things went wrong. It was like a snowball going downhill – she was invited for lunch with the ambassadors, and thought it rude to refuse. And then the meeting extended itself, and she got home late, and she went for a shower, and it all culminated on this: she forgot to hide her goddamn vase of weed. Entirely. It completely escaped her mind, right up to the very second when she heard someone knock on the door and open it.

“Raven.”

“ _Jefe_ ,” She said, and her blood went cold on her veins. She stepped aside to let Lexa in – she couldn’t very well hold the Commander at the door – and because she was completely transparent, hated dishonesty and wouldn’t be able to hide it for more than five minutes, she decided she might as well get it over with. “I can explain.”

“Explain?” Lexa frowned.

Raven didn’t immediately reply, instead walking over to her window and picking up the vase. “It’s for the pain.” She hesitated then, unsure whether she should bother hiding it. “My leg hurts like a bitch sometimes. Burns. Feels like someone is driving a bunch of red-hot nails into it. The weed helps.”

“You can explain… your plant.” Lexa blinked. “Your medicinal plant?” She walked over to inspect it. “You should let Klark know. Maybe she’ll find some use for it.”

It took Raven a couple seconds to realize _Lexa didn’t know what cannabis was_ , and then she felt immensely stupid for the whole situation. “Clarke knows. It was her idea, actually, I…” Raven sighed, then placed the plant on the table and took a seat. “Sorry I freaked out. It was forbidden to grow or use weed on the Ark. Punishable by death, yada yada.”

Lexa pulled a chair and sat down. “Why?”

Raven shrugged. “There’s, like, a lot of history behind it. But the gist of it is that it can make you less productive, which the Council deems unacceptable, and it can be addictive.”

“Ah.” Lexa’s expression changed to something softer. Were it anyone else, Raven would have interpreted it as pity. But she knew Lexa, and she recognized it as genuine affection. “Do you have an addiction? The Ripas do, too. Klark is helping them through it. If you need help, we can work something out.”

“No, I…” She stared at the stupid plant and felt her eyes burn with unshed tears. “This is difficult for me to talk about.”

“Take your time.”

Raven crossed her arms and looked away. “My mom was an addict. I’ve told you that. She chose alcohol again and again, over me, over herself even, until it killed her. And I… I’ve always been strictly against drugs because of it.” She turned to Lexa, who nodded for her to continue. “Those things, you inherit them, yeah? I know I’m prone to turning out just like her. So I avoided drugs altogether, for as long as I could. Even alcohol. But the pain…” She wiped the corner of her eyes with her hand. “I had episodes so bad I thought about killing myself. The fear of when it would hit again was destroying me.”

Lexa nodded again. She didn’t try to offer comfort, which Raven was oddly thankful for. “I didn’t want to go to Clarke, I didn’t want, I don’t know, I didn’t want her to think less of me. I know it’s stupid. So I went to Abby instead, and she wanted to give me Oxy, but that’s – I think that would have been a disaster. And Clarke just, you know how she is.”

“She noticed.” Lexa couldn’t keep the smile off her face. “Klark always notices when people are hurting.”

“Yeah.” Raven placed her hand on the table and drummed her fingers on it. “One day she shows up with a joint. I don’t even know where she got it from, probably Jasper. And she sits down and puts it on the table and tells me I’m not my mom. And I just –“ she sniffled. “It helped. She gave me some exercises to do, and we adjusted my brace, and did some electric stimulating treatment. All that helped, too. So, the weed.” Raven shrugged. “I use it when I’m in pain. It’s not that often. It wasn’t that often to start with, but knowing the pain could come and I’d have no way to relieve it was ruining my life.”

“I understand.” Lexa curiously touched the leaves. “Thank you for being sincere about this.” She looked at Raven. “I’m glad your pain has eased. Let me or Klark know if the plant becomes a problem. But I don’t think it will. You seem in control, and Klark is right. You’re not your mother.”

Raven exhaled, filled with relief for a tension she hadn’t noticed. “Yeah. Yeah, thanks for the trust.” She grabbed Lexa’s hand and smiled. “You’re a good friend, _jefe._ A good _jefe,_ too. Back in the Ark, I think the Council wouldn’t even bother to hear me out on this. They sure as hell didn’t hesitate to throw Jasper and Monty in jail for it.”

“Ah.” Lexa frowned and tapped her foot. “You know each clan governs itself, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can’t really intervene with _Skaikru_ law unless they go against the Coalition laws.” Her expression of unease was giving Raven anxiety. “What I’m trying to say is, do you want your plant sent with the rest of your things to Arkadia, or would you rather leave it? I’ll make sure it doesn’t die if you do.”

Raven blinked. “What? Why are you sending my things to Arkadia?”

“Well, when we struck the terms of our peace treaty, I told Klark I would only take her skilled workers for a year.” Lexa squeezed her hand. “It’s been great having you, but that year ends a week from now, so you’re free to return to your people.”

“I – what?!” Raven straightened her back. “Do I have to? Can’t I stay? _Jefe_ , are you firing me?”

“…you want to stay?”

She said it as if it was the most bewildering concept in the world, and Raven had half a mind to smack her. “Of course?!”

“Why?”

“Why – why wouldn’t I?” Raven leaned forward. “I have a house. My house has _rooms_. I don’t pay rent. I eat real food that doesn’t come wrapped in plastic. I have an office, and I have assistants, and if I tell you I need a dozen men to help me with a crazy idea I’ll have them within the hour. I have autonomy to work and keep challenging myself. My job has a clear impact on everyone. The people on the streets love me and respect me.” She gestured vaguely. “You think I want to leave all this behind to live in a cubicle and fix the radio for Jaha and Kane all day, every day, until they have me arrested for growing medicinal weed?”

“Uh –“

“Please don’t make me beg for my job, because I will. I am _so_ not above begging.”

“No, of course not. It’ll be my pleasure to take the ‘interim’ out of your title.” Lexa smiled. “Ah. Aden will be overjoyed to hear. He wanted to ask you to stay, but I told him it wasn’t fair.”

Raven felt a dull heartache. “No! You should have let him! How else am I supposed to know the _chiquito_ loves me?”

“He says it all the time,” Lexa offered. “Whenever I say ‘I love Raven’ he nods and says ‘me too’.”

Raven felt her cheeks warm up with a blush and looked away. “You’re turning him into mini-you.”

“Yes. That is my goal.” Lexa nodded seriously, and then her expression changed to open distress. “Raven, can I ask you for advice on personal matters?”

“ _Puta_ , all I’ve been doing for the last forty minutes is overshare. Of course you can ask a personal question.”

Lexa went silent and fidgeted with the buttons of her clothes. “You want to stay. Do you think Klark wants to stay, too? She hasn’t said anything about it, and I… I haven’t asked her, either.” Her shoulders slumped. “It’s as I told Aden. It wouldn’t be fair.”

Raven gave her a blank stare. “You two are together. Like, officially together. Openly together.”

Lexa shrugged. “It’s her people, though. I wouldn’t assume. And I wouldn’t blame her for wanting to go back, either.”

“You two are together.” Raven repeated. “You’re raising a _kid_ together. You’re the love of her life. You know what?” She shook her head. “Just go on and ask her. Ask her to stay. And if she says no, you can tell me, and I’ll personally find her and kick her teeth in.”

“That seems coercive.”

“No, Clarke has a martyr complex and horrible lack of foresight, it would be just like her to make this kind of dumb decision and then regret it for the rest of her life.” Raven shook her head. “But that’s what friends are for, yeah? To knock some sense into you and let you know when you’re being _un jodido imbécil_.”

“Raven, it would break my heart to lose her.”

She felt it again – that unexplainable kinship she had with Lexa, that understanding that came from being two people who loved with such intense, pure simplicity. She stood, walked over and placed her hands on Lexa’s shoulders. “She’d be a fool to leave you behind.”

“I know, but she’s a fool pretty often.”

Raven laughed. “Don’t worry. Just be yourself. Whatever happens, I got your back, like you got mine.”

Lexa nodded with a sheepish expression, then bumped her head against Raven’s stomach and groaned. “Thank you. You’re the best, Raven.”

“Of course I am.” Raven patted her head. “Was that why you came? You wanted love advice? You should have told me beforehand. I would have made some snacks, maybe figured out a way to play us a sappy movie.”

“No, actually!” Lexa stood up. “I came to ask for a favor. My sister said _Floukru_ can desperately use a mechanic to get things working again. I told her I couldn’t choose for you, but I could ask if you’d be willing to help her out for a while.”

Raven nodded. “Sure, _jefe_. Just because you let me stay.” She winked, and Lexa gave her a wide smile in return. “A work trip, why not? Your sister is pleasant company, and I get to sightsee whatever is left of the world. It’ll be good to get out of Polis for a bit, too. City can get monotonous.”

“You just said you’d beg not to leave.”

She grinned. “I’m trying to be nice so you don’t feel awkward about the favor, jackass.”

“Oh.” Lexa frowned. “Then yes. The change of scenery will do you good. You should take Aden. I’ll miss him terribly, but… there are things he should learn. Things which Luna can teach him better than I ever could, because she was the one to teach me.” Lexa hesitated. “If you don’t mind?”

“Of course not. Maybe I’ll even sway his heart and steal your place as his mom.”

“I don’t think so.”

Raven laughed. “You can tell Luna I’ll go with her. Just give me a chance to leave things in order so that Polis doesn’t fall apart without me.”

“Thank you.” Lexa turned to the door, then back to Raven. “For the help and for staying. I’d love to stay a bit longer and watch a movie with you, but –“

She waved Lexa off. “You want to heed my brilliant advice and go and ask your girl to please not ditch you. It’s fine. Go chase her.”

“Thank you.” Lexa walked to the door, stopped halfway and turned back. “You’re a good friend too, Raven.”

Raven smiled and gave her a thumbs up.

And then she moved María back to the window.

* * *

“Thank you for coming.” Lexa smiled. She was carrying Aden, who clung to her neck, and she did it with only one arm even though he was five years old and definitely too heavy for that. But she was using her free hand to hold Clarke’s, so Raven supposed she had strong motivation. “Please visit often.”

“I just really needed a mechanic.” Luna replied, but with a playful smile, and Lexa stuck out her tongue at her.

Luna gestured with her hands, and Lexa pouted and looked at Aden. “You behave, kiddo, okay? Be good, listen to Luna and Raven, learn many things and come back to tell me.” Aden nodded, and Lexa puffed her cheek. “Give me a goodbye kissy.” Aden did as he was told, and then Lexa turned to Clarke. “Now give Klark a goodbye kissy.”

Aden stretched his torso and Clarke leaned forward to receive her kiss.

“You two are so sweet it’s ridiculous,” Raven grinned at them. She was thrilled that the two had managed to talk things out, and she didn’t even need to intervene and smack Clarke on the head. “Do I get a goodbye kissy too?”

Clarke very discreetly flipped her the middle finger, and Raven laughed. Lexa handed Aden over to Luna, and before Raven could catch herself, she was watching Luna pick him up as if he weighted nothing, and Raven was already searching Luna’s face for that same smile she’d shown when the two first met.

“Hi, sweetie.” Luna switched to hold Aden with a single arm, then pulled Lexa into a hug. She stood on the tips of her toes and kissed Lexa on the forehead. “Thank you for reaching out, little one. It was good to see you.” She poked Aden on the nose, and he scrunched his face. “Say bye to your Heda and to Klark, sweetie.”

He turned around and waved. “Bye Heda. Bye Klark.” He smiled, then added, “I’ll be good!”

Luna carried him down the stairs and to the horses, and Raven shook her head at the two. “You’re his moms. I hope you realize that.”

“Um –“ Lexa gave her a panicked look.

Clarke hugged her side and snuggled up. “Mm-hm. Just waiting for Lexa to give me the news.”

“Oh.” Lexa turned, her cheeks going red. “Well, uh…”

Raven rolled her eyes. “And that’s my cue to give you two some privacy. Bye Clarke, bye _jefe._ Make sure my things remain in place and my plants don’t die.”

She made her way down and met Luna on the stables, where a pair of horses were waiting. Aden was already waiting on top of one, though he was still too young to ride on his own. Luna was clicking her tongue at the horse, murmuring something unintelligible in Trig.

Raven stopped in front of her horse and frowned. “Huh. This is a different kind of saddle.”

“Mm-hm.” Luna turned her attention away from the horse and walked to Raven, then touched the leather. She had long, elegant fingers. “Better support for the back and a belt to stabilize the hips. I think you’ll find it more comfortable to ride.”

“Not as fast to get on and off, though.” Raven inspected the design. “I can’t imagine this is helpful in battle.”

“ _Floukru_ doesn’t do battle.” Luna offered her a hand. “Here, let me show you how it works.”

She did it in such chivalrous way, Raven found it hard to refuse her. She took Luna’s hand and was pushed up the saddle, then watched as Luna quickly adjusted belts around her. “This is neat, actually. Horse riding always wrecks my leg. But the impact is a lot softer on this – it might make it less painful.”

“It will. We go at a slow pace, anyhow.” Luna turned around and climbed behind Aden. She spurred her horse, and Raven did the same.

“You don’t have to. For my sake, I mean. I can keep up just fine.”

Luna gave her a sideways glance. “I like enjoying the world, Raven. Lexa is a busybody. I could never indoctrinate that out of her.” She turned to Raven and smiled. “But I rather take things easy.”

“Forest tourism. Gotcha.” She used the reins to guide the horse. “How long will it take us, do you think?”

“It takes as long as it takes.”

“Oh, god.” Raven scowled. “Are you going to vague answer me all the way? Come on. If I ask you what you need my mechanical expertise on, will you tell me ‘you need what you need’?”

Luna gave her a bewildered look, then laughed. Raven found the spontaneity in it to be delightful. “You’re so strange.” She ruffled Aden’s hair, and he giggled. “Here, little one. Hold the reins.” He grabbed the reins and enthusiastically nodded, and Luna’s gaze softened at his excitement. She turned back to Raven. “Floukru lives in, I believe you would call it an oil rig? That’s what the books call it.”

“Big platform in the middle of the ocean?”

Luna nodded. “And we move around with boats. It’s a manmade place, for sure, and I don’t think it has had the maintenance it needs in a long time.”

Raven whistled. “Oof. Lots of work, I can imagine.” Luna made a face, and Raven smiled to reassure her. “Don’t worry. I enjoy a challenge. How did you end up there anyway?”

“Ah. That’s an interesting story.” Luna leaned back against her saddle, moving every once in a while to correct Aden’s grip on the reins. “There was a big boat? Big enough to hold a whole village on its back. I saw it on the horizon and swam to it. There was no one on, but I pressed some buttons and it sailed itself to the platform.”

“An oil tanker, I bet. The coordinates were probably preloaded. You _swam_ to it? How much swimming was that?”

Luna shrugged. “Couple hours.”

“A couple hours in the open ocean?!” Raven blinked. “Damn. That explains how easy you haul Aden around. You must have ripped back muscles.” Luna tilted her head and gave her a bewildered look, and Raven blinked. “- uh. I mean. You were raised with Lexa, right? It shouldn’t surprise me you can do this kind of thing.”

“Mmh.” She ran her fingers through Aden’s hair, ruffling the strands all out of place. “I did it out of despair, as I often had to. It wasn’t an easy upbringing. I’m glad the little ones will have it different from now on.” She kissed the top of his head. “What about you, Raven? How was growing up for you?”

“It was shi –“ she cut herself short, looked at Aden, then back at Luna. “Do you think he knows how to curse? Do you think Lexa will kill me if return him with an expanded vocabulary?”

“Lexa knew every curse world in Trigedasleng and in English by age four.” Luna grinned, a twinkle in her eyes. “I taught her.”

Raven laughed, a good chuckle that made her throw her head back. “This is fantastic. You’re the best thing to happen in my life since – huh, actually I’ve been having a ton of good things lately.” She shook her head. “It’s only fair. Karmic justice because my childhood was so shit.”

“Shittier than mine?”

Raven actually paused to give that thought. “Good question.” She drummed her fingers against the saddle. “I don’t know a lot about how nightbloods were raised, other than it ended in a horrific murder ritual. Though I can’t imagine anything which ends that way could be good to start with.” She shrugged. “My childhood was constant suffering, abandonment and the fear of starvation.”

“I didn’t have the fear of starvation,” Luna offered.

“I didn’t have the looming threat of human sacrifice, so I guess that makes us even?” She gave Luna an awkward smile. “I don’t know. Seems like a waste of time to keep mulling over it. I’ve been moving forward, and forward looks better.”

“That is a good attitude to have.” Luna hid her face behind her hair when she spoke, and Raven got the sense she did it to hide something, or perhaps, in a much subtler way, to _show_ she was hiding something. She took the reins from Aden and started humming, then singing.

Raven knew enough Trig to understand bits and pieces, but it was so strange, it was almost a language of its own. Luna had a soft, deep voice that was relaxing to hear. Raven picked up on words about the ocean, and caught herself thinking in awe that this woman had singlehandedly founded her own clan and grown it to such an extent, she now had her own music and even her own accent.

“You’re a leader.”

Luna narrowed her eyes at Raven. “That is not the first impression most people get from me.”

_The first impression I got from you was that you could kill me if you wanted. Which is odd, because the second impression I got from you was that you’re really good with kids._

“You are. Not like Lexa, though.” She paused to think. “More like Clarke. You’re the creative type. I can tell, because you have a culture of your own, and from what you’ve told me, I can only assume you’ve made that from scratch.” Raven met her eyes. They were a shade of brown not unlike Raven’s own, but Raven couldn’t help but think they looked better on her. Softer, perhaps. “That’s kind of badass. You just invented your own little world and your idea was such a good one you were able to convince a lot of people to join you.”

Luna fell silent for a long moment. “I didn’t do it for them.” Her tone was carefully neutral, and right then Raven knew she was in perfect control of any emotion she showed. “I did it for myself, from the very beginning. All of it. I ran away because I couldn’t bear to be molded into a Commander. I made a home in the Oil Rig because I needed a place to live, and then I filled it with people because…” She shrugged. “Because I needed people, too. More specifically, I needed them to believe in my crazy ideas. I can’t make a glorious new world for one.” She offered Raven a small, calculated smile. “Don’t give me too much credit. I’m pretty selfish.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Raven digested her words. “I think you’re taking the easy way out.”

Luna’s stare could have drilled a hole in her skull. “What do you mean?”

“I think you tell yourself you’re doing it for the ideals, because the ideals are just that. Constant, unchanging, dependent only on your whims. Easy. People are hard. Unpredictable. If you let yourself believe you are doing it for the people, you’d be opening yourself up to a world of hurt.” She licked her lips. “So, it’s a defense mechanism. Cause caring is a real bitch.”

Luna narrowed her eyes at Raven, then laughed. “Not everyone can handle heartbreak as well as you do, Raven.”

“Ha!” She grinned. “I suppose I do handle it well, don’t I? I mean yeah. I do crash and burn sometimes. But, I don’t know. I get my shit together again. It takes a lot of effort, sure, but I think that’s for the best. I’m good at rebuilding things.” She shrugged. “Tearing things to shreds and then putting them back into one piece is how I make them better, myself included. I suppose I could do a safer approach. Change myself little by little, piece by piece. But that wouldn’t be me. I’m passionate, not cautious.”

“You’re resilient,” Luna corrected. “That’s the difference. You take the frontal clash approach because you’re resilient.”

“Well, aren’t you?” Raven turned her head to look at the scenery. They had been riding towards the shore, and she could already hear the ocean, though it was not yet in sight. “Resilience is not a choice. You just sorta find it in you. I’m not afraid of pain, _that’s_ the difference.”

“No self-preservation instinct?”

“No, I…” Raven took a deep breath. “I let the fear of pain control me for too long. But that wasn’t a life worth living. So, let it come. I’ll prepare for it as best as I can. And I’ll handle it when it happens.”

Aden tilted his head up. “ _Heda_ says you can’t let pain scare you.”

“Psh.” Luna rolled her eyes. “I am surrounded by tough kids, aren’t I?” She shook her head. “They’re right, of course. But sometimes the right things are difficult to do. Don’t be hard on yourself if you get a little scared.” She bent down and rested her chin on Aden’s shoulder. “Self-forgiveness is something your _Heda_ will never teach you, because she hardly ever has need for it on first place. She doesn’t dwell. But she’s the exception.”

“I don’t dwell, either.” Raven chirped. “What’s the point?”

“You two are a _nightmare_. I can see why you are best friends.” Luna kissed the top of Aden’s head. “Have you ever been to the beach, little one? I bet Raven can make the best sandcastles.”

“I have been to the beach.” He turned around to look at Luna. “But I’ve never made sandcastles. Can we? Is that okay?”

“Of course, sweetie. Look, you can see the ocean.”

Raven followed Luna’s gaze and sure enough, she saw the sand and the deep blue of the water rapidly approaching. “I have never made a sandcastle in my life.”

Luna pulled her horse to a halt on the edge of the trees, and Raven pulled on her reins. She realized then that they were close, enough that Luna could reach from her horse and touch Raven’s knee. “I’ll show the two of you how it works, and you can teach me how to build wonderful things with that.”

Raven touched Luna’s fingers on reflex. “Then prepare yourself to witness the birth of the biggest, bestest, most badass sandcastle in post-apocalypse history.”

Luna’s eyes twinkled playfully. “Even though you’ve never made one in your life?”

“That, my friend, is what we call talent.”

Luna laughed. “You wear confidence beautifully, Raven. And…” She turned away and began helping Aden to the ground. “And it’s good to see you smile.”

 _When you put it like that, it makes me feel kinda important,_ Raven thought.

And then she smiled again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when i was pitching this story to my friend youf i went "i got the idea for this story" and he went "tell me" and I said "so it's about two girls -" 
> 
> and youf went "REALLY. NO WAY"
> 
> and so here we are: YET ANOTHER STORY ABOUT TWO GIRLS BEING GAY WITH EACH OTHER HECK YEAH
> 
> "so buttons what are the themes of this?"  
> there's two main things going on here. the first one is all about how raven deals with her disability, which i feel the show kinda left us hanging on 
> 
> it starts as a really interesting emotional arc and just when you think it's gonna go forward into character growth it gets,,,, swallowed by the city of light plot???? we never see it develop
> 
> on that note i was particularly disappointed with how they dealt with the raven vs abby's drug addiction scenes, because they had everything to be intersting: raven has strong reasons to reject abby's opioid use, but she also has chronic pain which can eventually force her into using those very same drugs; that was sadly never explored
> 
> so point one of this story is about having raven go through the path from really rejecting this to eventually dealing with it in healthier ways. that's the conflict: it's her slow deconstruction of negative concepts regarding her disability, and then her rebuilding of a healthier identity
> 
> the SECOND theme of this story is a really soft exploration of raven's bisexuality, because she's only ever been with finn and i think this gives me a lot of space to write her self-discovery process
> 
> "aha! so it's a story where you write about finding out you're gay! did you draw from personal experience to write this?"
> 
> BITCH I WISH
> 
> I WISH I'D LEARNED MY SEXUALITY THROUGH A STORY THIS SOFT 
> 
> in reality what happened was that i took a plane to see a girl across the world (we held hands) but then she dumped me and i went to my ex boyfriend's birthday party and got wasted and hooked up
> 
> with his girl
> 
> and then the next morning was a sunday and i was on call at 7am on the neonatal ward so i woke at 5 and drove across town to this dangerous conflict zone and when i got out of the car the gang guy i paid protection money to went "DAMN FOOTBALL GIRL, BIG NIGHT HUH?" 
> 
> and i went "FATBOY, DUDE, SO MANY MISTAKES WERE MADE" and then i walked into the infirmary and turned on the light and all the newborn babies started crying at the same time 
> 
> which was just a poetic painting of the overall situation 
> 
> SO SADLY ALL I HAVE IN COMMON WITH RAVEN HERE IS THE DISORIENTING CHRONIC LEG PAIN 
> 
> "why did you make aden younger?"  
> little kid cute
> 
> "what's up with the raven & lexa bromance?"  
> I WAS WATCHING KISSING BOOTH AND KISSING BOOTH 2 ON NETFLIX AND THOSE MOVIES FUCKING SUCK 
> 
> but the whole "my best friend has an age appropriate sibling and i think i'm crushing on them" deal is actually kind of a neat trope


	2. Chapter 2

Raven had been taught that being around a large body of water was a way of keeping the temperature stable, with less variation between day and night because the water held in the heat. But as she laid down next to the ocean, positively freezing, she decided that was bullshit and dragged herself a bit closer to the fire.

Luna had her fingers tangled on Aden’s hair, rubbing the top of his head. He was fast asleep, exhausted by the day’s activities. Around them, several ankle-height sand walls were slowly swallowed by the ocean.

She was such a calm, reassuring presence, it was hard not to relax around her soft humming.

“I worry about him.” Raven said, watching the fire crackle. She met Luna’s eyes briefly, then shrugged. “He’s… I don’t know. I worry about all of you, really, but him most of all because he’s so little.”

Luna tilted her head. “Do elaborate.”

“I don’t know.” Raven crossed her legs at the ankles. “I think he’s depressed. Don’t get me wrong, I was a really spiffy kid. A hurricane, really. So I always find most children too quiet. But Aden is way too well behaved. Almost subdued.”

“Ah.” Luna fell silent for a long while, then sighed. “Probably Titus, I’d reckon. He has that effect on his _natblida_. He had a way of being…” she stopped stroking Aden’s hair and gently pulled a blanket over him.

“Repressive?” Raven guessed when Luna didn’t continue.

“Not exactly.” She stood, then walked over and sat down next to Raven and dropped her voice to barely above a whisper. “We associate repression with violence. Titus wasn’t violent, strictly, because _natblida_ deal with violence well. He was manipulative. In many ways, it was a lot worse.”

Raven stared at Luna, watching mesmerized how the fire cast odd shadows on her face. “Are you okay?”

Luna smiled, but didn’t answer.

Raven took a deep breath. “Lexa isn’t okay either. You guys are fucked up. But… the two of you fixed yourselves somehow. Or at least you seem like you did. I don’t know. I don’t think I can help a lot with you, but I’d like to think I could help Aden.”

“Mmh.” Luna bumped their shoulders together. Raven’s eyes darted to her, then back to the fire. Luna touched Raven’s fingers. “It can’t be easy for him to lose his life’s purpose just like that.”

“What, really?” Raven linked her pinky with Luna’s. “Even when his future was so objectively awful?”

“We’ve been educated into seeing the Conclave as a great honor, Raven.” Luna stretched her legs. “I was always contrarian, and Lexa was always independent. But we were the exceptions. To Aden, the conclave was his destiny, and one he was likely to succeed on. And then it wasn’t. He’s insecure.”

“Shouldn’t insecure children act out?” Raven wondered, sinking her fingers on the sand. “Cry, yell, misbehave, something?”

“Not when they’re so terrified of being alone.”

Raven felt a heartache at that. Relating to people made her uncomfortable, even if the person in question was a five-year-old child. “He doesn’t deserve that. I wish there was a way to make him feel safe. To let him know, I don’t know.” She turned to Luna, gave her a look of distress. “He’s so loved. By me, by his pair of dumbass moms, even Abby is already warming up to the idea of a grandson. He’s allowed to throw a few tantrums, that’s what I mean. We won’t throw him in a ditch for it.”

Luna held her gaze, then looked away. Luna looked so deeply melancholic, Raven shifted and covered Luna’s hand with her own. Luna acknowledged the gesture with a subtle nod.

“I’m glad.” Luna whispered.

“That we won’t discard the kid for being a kid?”

“That he was met with a much kinder world than I was.” She pulled her hand away and shifted her position.

Raven decided to chase her, not only in words but also in touch, brushing her fingers against Luna’s knee. She waited, gave Luna a chance to retreat, but instead Luna stared at her for a long moment, then bumped their shoulders again.

Raven smiled, encouraged. “It didn’t come from nowhere. You made the world kinder. And…” She took a deep breath. “It’s not just Aden. You got us, too. Lexa loves you to the moon and back. Clarke cares for you, too, if only by extension. And I…”

Raven fell silent, listening to the crackles of the fire. It reminded her, oddly, of the constant humming of engines in the Ark. They weren’t remotely similar sounds, but they filled the silence in the same way.

“And you…?”

Raven shrugged, not meeting her eyes. “You’re my best friend’s sister. Of course I care for you, too. But you’re growing on me regardless of that. You’re really offbeat. I think I like that.”

“…offbeat.” Luna smiled a little at that, just a small curve to her lips.

Raven raised her eyes to the sky, to the lights of the milky way stretching above her, and she wondered which of the bright spots were really stars and which were just space trash. She wondered how many of those stars were already long dead.

“In my people’s language, your name means ‘moon’.” Raven said for no reason in particular, and Luna stared at her again. She did a thing with her eyes, a thing in which she made Raven feel bare under her gaze. Lexa did it, too, except Lexa made Raven feel as if her skin was being ripped from her flesh.

Luna was different. Luna’s dark warm eyes seemed to see right _through_ her, to peer into her very soul.

“I think it suits you.” She continued, awkward, stumbling over her words. “You have… a gravity. Or something like that. I don’t know. You draw me in.” She felt an inexplicable warmth on her cheeks. “It’s weird. You’re familiar, but different.”

“Because of Lexa?”

“I guess?” Raven shrugged. “Lexa has a gravity of her own, too. But she’s more like the sun. Powerful, bright, scorching. She puts her foot down and makes the world turn around her. You’re not like that. You’re…” She looked at Luna, exhaled, then turned to the fire. “You really _are_ like the moon. A light in the darkness, quietly guiding the tides.” She shook her head and scoffed. “This is silly. I only just met you. But I can’t help it. You’re intense.”

Without warning, Luna leaned her head against Raven’s shoulder. Raven pulled in a sharp breath, surprised, then relaxed. Grounders were warm people, she’d learned, just as warm as Raven’s fellow Latinos. This kind of contact shouldn’t be awkward to her, and it wasn’t – but it was different in a way she couldn’t quite pinpoint, as jarring as Luna herself.

 _Like a Chopin tune_ , she thought, _where the left hand never quite matches the right._

She wrapped an arm around Luna and felt Luna’s hair brush against her cheek. It smelled of the strange spices grounders mixed into their shampoos.

“What’s it like?” Luna’s voice vibrated against Raven’s chest. “The moon, I mean. Have you seen it up close?”

She let her fingers toy with Luna’s curls. They were wild, impossible to comb through, but when she tugged on them, they bounced like tensed coils. She took a sideways look at the shape of Luna’s face, all soft lines, and the way her eyes reflected the dancing firelight made them look like liquid. “It’s prettier from down here.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” She raised her eyes to the sky to stare at the moon. “Here it has many shapes and many colors. Sometimes it is round, sometimes it looks like a smile. Sometimes it is silver, sometimes it is gold. It moves around the sky, sneaking between the stars, painting a new picture every night.” She shifted her weight, and Luna moved, sitting up straight. Raven regretted the broken contact. “Up there, it was always the same.”

Luna reached out and adjusted a branch into the fireplace. “What is it like, to live among the stars?”

Raven opened her mouth to reply, then stopped herself. She’d answered that question hundreds of times before, to hundreds of grounders, from children to scientists to men of faith. But her answers suddenly felt too mundane, too dry for one such as Luna. “It… was cold.” She said finally. “And empty. And dark. It was lonely, and weightless, and suffocating, and bright, and too loud and too quiet at the same time.”

Luna nodded, satisfied with her answer, but Raven felt the need to give her something more, a piece of herself to bridge that painful gap of disconnection she was suddenly struck by.

 _“Estaba previsto que la ciudade de los espejos sería arrasada por el viento y desterrada de la memoria de los hombres.”_ Raven said, and Luna’s head snapped up as if struck, her brows furrowing with focus. _“Porque las estirpes condenadas a cien años de soledad no tenían una segunda oportunidad sobre la tierra.”_

Her last words were whispered, and Luna watched her in silence, letting them settle.

Raven took a deep breath. “It’s from a book I really like.”

Luna kept staring, drilling holes on her bared soul, and Raven shifted uncomfortably on the sand. “What is it about?”

Raven scoffed. “Good question. It’s about a great many things. I’d lend you my copy, but it just might be the last one on Earth, and also it’s in Spanish.” She bowed her head and looked away. “You’d like it, I think. Yeah, I’m pretty sure you would.”

“Will you tell me what those words meant?”

Luna had moved close again, too close perhaps, and Raven was suddenly intoxicated by her presence, by the way she commanded Raven’s attention without even trying and without ever giving her a chance to look away.

“It was foreseen that the city of mirrors would be devastated by the wind and…” Though she could find words with the same meaning, she couldn’t quite find words with the same taste. She settled for something in between, an awkward attempt to translate the untranslatable. “And… torn from the lands of men’s memories. And that the people –“ Raven stopped, then shook her head. “No.”

Luna tilted her head. “No?”

“No. Ask me for other words, but not these.” She gazed deep into curious brown eyes, and the intensity in them made her skin break into goosebumps. “These are too painful.”

“Okay.” She was so close, and Raven had an unstoppable urge to touch her, heart thumping painfully inside her ribcage. “Give me happy words from that book, then.”

“How do you know there are any?” Raven shifted to face her, and Luna moved in response so that the two were side by side, their hips touching.

Luna leaned in and spoke near her ear, quietly, and her breath against Raven’s skin made her shiver. “Because you said I would enjoy it.”

Raven closed her eyes and inhaled the scent of her. _“A mi me bastaría con estar seguro de que tu y yo existimos en este momento.”_ Her voice rose in pitch on the last few worlds, which came out almost strangled.

“And what does it mean, Raven?” She leaned back to look at her. “Your language is beautiful.”

Raven sunk her sweaty hands into the sand. “It would be enough for me to be sure you and I exist in this moment.”

Luna smiled wide, and Raven had the strange sensation of having the air robbed from her lungs – a feeling everyone on the Ark had known to fear, but one which, right then, filled her with anticipation. Luna touched her arm, a firm grip right above her elbow. Raven felt as if her skin was on fire.

“Then be sure that we do.”

* * *

“And this big button here is the horn.” She placed Aden’s hand over the button in question. “Come on, honk it.”

Aden nodded, then pushed it.

The rumbling sound that came made Raven’s teeth chatter, the boat shaking under her feet, and Aden jumped back, surprise evident in his wide eyes. Raven burst out laughing, and after a moment of hesitation, he smiled wide. “That was so loud!”

“It’s meant to be heard over very big distances –“

The door was pushed open, and Luna peeked in. “Is everything okay in here?”

Aden gave her a distraught look, and Raven almost sighed. The kid had _so much_ anxiety, she had no idea how to deal with it other than pushing him to just be a kid whenever he got a chance. She gave Luna a thumbs up. “Just testing whether all systems are functional. The horn is working wonderfully.”

Luna nodded with a small smile. “Raven, if I could have a moment of your time?”

“Of course.” She turned around and tapped the dashboard. “Watch the sonar, _chiquito_ , and the navigation map. It’ll tell us when we’re arriving.” She ruffled his hair. “And whatever you do, don’t blow that horn again,” Raven said, hoping with all her heart that for once he would disobey and play a harmless prank.

She followed Luna outside the control cabin. There were several grounders walking around the immense ship, and though Raven had noticed some stray odd looks her way, she had yet to talk with any of them. She let Luna guide her to a more-or-less secluded spot, then carefully pushed the metal railing, testing to see whether it would hold. When it didn’t crumble under her weight, she leaned against it and stared at the ocean.

“This is a surprisingly well-preserved boat. Engine room needs some work, but it shouldn’t take longer than a couple days.”

Luna stood next to her, briefly touching Raven’s bare shoulder when she moved. Raven almost jolted at the contact, then adjusted her sleeveless shirt on her body.

Luna nodded. “Let me know what you need to get it done.”

“Probably a bunch of guys to help me clean and oil stuff. You can send anyone who wants to learn, I’ll show them the ropes so that they can do the upkeep in the future.”

“Thank you.” Luna leaned against the railing next to her. “We’re almost arriving. I feel like I should warn you – my people are very curious. They might have questions for you.”

“It’s all right, I don’t mind.” Raven watched the waves foam against the hull of the ship. She glimpsed at Luna with the corner of her vision. “Sometimes the questions are absolutely fucking wild. Makes me wonder what you’ve been saying about us.”

“Mmh.” Luna drummed her fingers against the rail. “We’ve been telling stories of skai people for a long time, ever since Bekka came to lead us and bring us the nightblood.” She bowed her head down, and her hair fell over her face. “It’s strange, how the same tale can lead to such different outcomes among different people.”

“What do you mean?” Raven wanted to tuck Luna’s hair behind her ear so she could see Luna’s face. Instead, she gripped the metal to resist the urge.

“Because Bekka came from the skai, some among us believe that _Skaikru_ are a blessing. But we also know Bekka was running away from skai people when she came to us, so there was fear that Skaikru was here to destroy what she built.”

“Huh. Those are… very diverging interpretations.” Raven straightened her back, then stretched her arms. “Which one won out, in the end?”

Luna smiled, lazily, a twinkle in her eyes. “The most dramatic, romantic mixture of both, of course.”

“Of course.” She turned her back to the ocean and turned to Luna. “All right. Give me the official version so that I can act accordingly.”

Luna’s smile widened. It crinkled the corner of her eyes, and Raven caught herself staring. She forcibly raised her eyes to the sky and the thin white clouds above them.

“The most popular version is that Klark kom Skaikru came leading her people to reclaim the Earth. But when she got here, she found Heda’s heart so true, she couldn’t help falling in love.”

“Found Heda’s ass so fine, more like,” Raven mumbled, and Luna gave her a bewildered look. Raven scoffed. “What? You guys have no idea just how _thirsty_ Clarke really is.” Luna arched an eyebrow. Raven waved her off. “Don’t mind me. Please resume your tale.”

“The story goes that Klark had been granted great healing powers, in exchange for the promise she would never refuse help to one in need.”

“Ha!” Raven was looking at Luna again, blatantly. It was a lost battle, trying to prevent her eyes from drifting back to Luna’s dark ones, to Luna’s crooked smile. “You’re not wrong, but that’s mostly Clarke’s conscience.”

Luna gave her a small nod of acknowledgement. “And so destiny had it that Klark found Heda in need and could not deny her aid. Heda was wise and kind in return, and so Klark grew to love her, and rather than conquering the world as she was meant to, she turned her wrath on the _Maunon_ instead.”

“God damn _.”_ Raven whistled. “That’s actually a _great_ story. Hits all the right notes – there’s magic, romance, heroics, everything. I can imagine it being told around a campfire at night. Shit, how come Clarke gets to be part of the mythology? What do I have to do to show up on the stories, too?”

Luna tilted her head. “But you already do?”

Raven blinked. “What, really? You tell stories about Clarke’s limping twink sidekick too?”

“ _Reivon kom Skaikru_ ,” She said, and Raven choked on air, then broke into coughing. It was the first time she heard Luna say her name with that accent, because Luna, not unlike Lexa, had perfect English when she wanted to. And though Trig wasn’t a soft language by any means, Luna made the words sound smooth, almost sweet. “They say you, too, bargained with the stars for power. That you sacrificed your leg so you could rain fire from the skies and breathe life into metal.”

That sounded _way_ cooler than ‘got spine damage from crashing on Earth inside an ancient escape pod’, so Raven decided not to correct it. And though she would usually be the first to wipe away any mysticism towards the science they did, she got a sense Luna didn’t _want_ to be told there was no magic in the world.

She got a sense Luna made things magic by choice.

“Is that what your people believe? That some of us are…” She shrugged, sheepish.

“ _Starkeryon.”_ Luna brushed her fingers against Raven’s cheek, and Raven expected herself to recoil from the abrupt touch, but instead her body went still. “They say some of you have had your souls touched by stars. That you gain a light from it, but you also have to bear the scars of their scorching.”

 _I kinda wanna live in the world you live_ , Raven thought, and wondered if she could ever see things in such colorful ways. She was curious, at least, drawn in by Luna’s soft-spoken stories. “Who else do you think has…” _The superpower of tech?_

Raven made a vague gesture, but Luna understood the unfinished sentence. “There are a few whispered names. I was told the one called _Monti_ can bring plentiful harvests, and that _Okteivia_ does not show magic, but rather an unbreakable spirit. But...”

She’d dropped her voice to a whisper for that last sentence, and Raven leaned closer so that Luna’s voice wouldn’t be lost among the crashing of the waves. “But?”

“But there’s only one way to know for sure.” Luna traced her index finger on Raven’s bare arm, and Raven’s breath hitched. “You have to love them, even their scars, and they have to love you back. Only then they’ll be able to show you the stars in their souls.” She dragged her fingers down to Raven’s wrist. “Or so the people have been saying.”

Raven stared at where their skins touched, then raised her eyes to meet Luna’s. “What do _you_ believe?”

“I believe in _you_ , whatever you may be.” She shifted, and now their hips were touching, and Luna briefly put a hand on Raven’s waist. She was taller, all grounders were stupid tall, probably because they had so many nutrients and _oxygen_ growing up, and Raven had to tilt her chin up to meet Luna’s eyes. “And I believe _Skaikru_ is a good omen. Why shouldn’t I? Klark brought Lexa and I back together. That’s a tale in itself. And now you’re here.”

“I’m just your borrowed mechanic.” Raven almost whimpered, but the words felt flat on her tongue, because she didn’t quite _feel_ like just that anymore. She cleared her throat. “I, uh. I’ll get your machines back to work and all.” She wiggled her fingers. “Do my magic.”

“I hardly believe that’s what the real magic in you is…” They locked eyes. “ _Reivon?”_

Raven felt _both_ her legs go weak at the knees, which was a miserable new development from her one-weak-leg usual. Her skin broke into goosebumps. She took a step back and leaned against the railing for support, breathing shallow. “I don’t know. Between the two of us, you seem far more likely to be the witch.”

Luna arched an eyebrow. “And what would my powers be?”

“You sway – people.” Raven searched Luna’s face for something, anything which could give her an advantage on this conversation, but found her position to be as unsteady as the lurching boat under her feet. “You turn people’s heads with your stories. That’s not – it’s not a thing just anyone can do. It’s not normal, the way you do it. You’re –“ _a siren “_ – you lure people in with your soft-spoken words.”

Luna smiled. It made Raven’s heart do a desperate flip, and she decided maybe this was it – maybe she did believe in what she’d just said. Maybe she _did_ believe Luna’s hypnotizing voice would drag her into the ocean and drown her. The sensible part of her told her to be scared. But an even bigger part of her, one that seemed as loud as the roaring waves against the boat’s metal hull, somehow _whispered_ an even scarier truth: maybe Raven _wanted_ to be dragged in.

Maybe she was tired of struggling, not against the water but against the emptiness of space. Maybe she wanted to sink into the embrace of Luna’s warm stillness. Maybe –

“Do you want me to stop?” Luna murmured, so quiet Raven thought she might have imagined it.

 _Stop what_ , she thought, confused and frustrated, because Luna seemed to know exactly what she was doing, but Raven couldn’t for the life of it figure out what it was or understand what was happening. “No.” She wanted to say more, should have said more, should have asked what was going on, what was _this_ , but the words died in her throat, and all she could do was say it again. “No. I – don’t stop. Please.”

Luna nodded. Raven couldn’t tell whether she’d speak again – Luna replied with silence more often than not – but before she had a chance to, the boat rumbled with the sound of the horn.

It cut through Raven’s daze like lightning, breaking the weird spell she was held by, but only when Luna turned towards the control cabin, only when she could no longer feel the gravity of Luna’s attention, Raven felt able to breathe again. 

It still took her a split second too long to react. “Yes!” She pumped her fist. “I _knew_ it! I knew the kid still had some spirit in him. I knew no five-year-old would be able to resist the honking button of doom!” She grinned. “I’ll scold him, but just a little –“

The horn sounded again.

Raven cackled. “Commitment! I like it!”

“He’s decided he might as well earn his punishment.” Luna smiled wide, and the air Raven had just recovered suddenly evaded her lungs again. “I hope you’re ready to deal with the consequences of your actions. A rebellious _natblida_ is a storm.”

Luna’s tone was serious, but there was a playful smile on her face, and her stomach did a weird flutter. “With those two he has for moms? He’ll be fine.”

Aden blew the horn again.

Raven laughed.

* * *

She climbed down the stairs of the Lighthouse, leaning against Luna for support every couple steps.

Her leg hurt like a motherfucker.

It ticked her off, because if not for it, she’d be having a wonderful time.

Raven stopped walking. She had to. She turned around to make it seem as if she’d paused to take technical looks at the lighthouse, rather than because she felt as if her limb was burning from the inside out. “I think I can finish it tomorrow. The problem is the power source. I don’t have a battery big enough to last it long, which means solar energy would only work during the day – completely redundant. I’m thinking wind power.”

She was convinced she almost tricked Luna. Almost, but not quite. Luna, who eyed her with those impossibly warm brown eyes, then nodded. “What do you say about staying the night?”

“On… the lighthouse?” Raven leaned against a rock for support.

“There’s a little village on this side of the island, near the shore. We use it as a stop for longer fishing trips.” Luna walked over to her, dropping her voice to a whisper. “It’s a lot closer than the docks.”

“I can make it.” she said, though her leg was begging for mercy. “Don’t –“ Raven hesitated. _Don’t let me hold you back,_ she thought, but the words died in her throat. She had an odd hunch saying them would make Luna feel immensely hurt, and so she shrugged instead. “ – only if you really want to.”

Luna smiled. Her eyes had a chilling twinkle of mischief. “I’ll let the others know they can go on without us, then. They’ll be back in the morning to help you out again.”

_Wait –_

Before she could protest, Luna had already raised her voice and waved. The men ahead of them halted. Luna spoke in that quick, accented Trig which had a cadence that rose and fell like the waves. Raven gave in and leaned forward, rubbing her leg, trying to ease the pain.

There was fire climbing from the tips of her toes to the bottom of her spine, and Raven bent down and stretched, which made the pain considerably worse. Raven persisted, reaching for her toes, eyes watering, and counted until ten. When she let go and straightened her back, there was a mild relief.

A very mild one.

“ _Puta mierda.”_ She muttered under her breath. When she raised her eyes, Luna was there again, close enough to be into her personal space. Luna touched the bare skin of Raven’s arm, and Raven met her eyes. “Thanks.”

Luna leaned forward and, without warning, kissed Raven on the cheek. It was such a shock, Raven almost slipped down. She gripped at her knee for balance, and Luna leaned forward and offered her an arm. Raven accepted it gracefully and used the support to push herself back up.

She could feel blood rushing to her cheeks all the way to her ears, her skin burning almost as much as her damn leg. “I –“

“I should thank you.” Luna didn’t let go of her hand. “I’ve been looking for company to spend the night here for years, but _Floukru_ are scared of the island’s spirits.”

“Oh, so it’s haunted?” Raven smirked. “And here I thought you just wanted my company for a girl’s night out? Some privacy to sit around a campfire and talk boys all night?”

Luna tilted her head. “The spirits are friendly. I’ve done this before, I just really wanted to share the experience.” She smiled and squeezed Raven’s hand, then let go. “There’s still a little way to go. Do you want me to carry you?”

The fact that she didn’t immediately snap and reject the idea spoke volumes about just how quick and how much she’d let Luna in. “No, I got this.” She patted her pockets, then reached inside the left one. “This is my own fault, really. I’ve been really pushing it with work. I just…” She held a small metal box and pushed the lid open. “It’s exciting, what you’re doing here.”

“You mean, getting the Oil Rig machinery back to work?”

Raven pushed the box’s lid open, then pulled out a lighter and a carefully rolled up cannabis cigarette. “It’s not _the machinery_ you asked me to fix. It’s the lifts, specifically. It’s... well. You’ve turned stairs into ramps. You’ve added metal bars to walls so people can lean against them. You’ve lowered furniture so that people can reach things while sitting down.”

Luna frowned. “It’s the least I can do? _Floukru_ are survivors. They come to me because they are tired of fighting, and many of them bear the wounds of their past battles.”

“Yeah, but…” Raven shrugged. She held the cigarette between two fingers and sparked the lighter, setting it alight. “I don’t know. I didn’t think… before I came here, it hadn’t crossed my mind to adapt the world to my limitations, rather than the other way round.”

“That’s how it should be.” Luna watched her curiously. “Home is where you feel safe, welcome, comfortable. If _Floukru_ is to be a home, I need to see to that, no exceptions.”

Raven took a deep drag, held it in, then raised her head and let it out through her nose. “I guess I’ve just been raised into believing I have to give and give and never ask for anything in return.”

“You shouldn’t have to _ask_ for the things you need to live,” Luna replied, and there was a certain passion to her tone that made Raven turn to look at her. “You have a right to live. To have a home and food and _dignity_. Any good leader acknowledges that.” She touched Raven’s elbow. “You never questioned Lexa for housing the orphans of war or for bringing healers to the wounded. This is no different. I don’t see why you find it strange.”

Raven stared at the cigarette. Rolled it between her fingers. Sighed. “You make every single person feel important. Like we’re all valuable members of your community. Like we have an inherent worth just for existing.”

Luna gave her a long, silent, meaningful look. Raven scoffed, then brought the cigarette to her lips again. She was starting to feel pleasantly buzzed, though her leg still ached enough that she didn’t dare moving.

“It’s…” She shrugged. “It makes me feel… not ashamed. Like I don’t have to overcompensate for needing a little bit more. I, uh.” She paused. It was hard to build her feelings into a coherent sentence. “Your sister is my best friend. She welcomed me, gave me a place I truly wanted to call home. But you…” Raven inhaled. “You made me feel like I actually deserve to be here. Like I have as much of a right to belong as anyone else. Like I could never lose that right.”

Silence. Raven looked at the horizon, where the water met the sky. The sun was painting the ocean into beautiful red hues, and when she turned back to Luna, the light that touched her made her look as if she was surrounded by fire.

“ _Que bella eres,”_ the words slipped from her lips, unexpectedly, and Raven blamed it on the weed. _“M_ _e recuerdas las olas y el mar.”_

“Raven?”

She shook her head. “It’s an old song.” She licked her lips, tasting the cigarette on them, then hummed. “Mmh-mmh-mm. _Y tu me calientas cuando siento frio.”_ She smiled. “I wish I’d brought a tablet to show you. Maybe next time. When we meet again…?” Her voice went quieter for the last few words, turning it into an unplanned question.

“That would be lovely.” Luna crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the same rock Raven was using for support. “Thank you for what you said, I… I needed it.”

Raven narrowed her eyes. “You know, I have a very obvious wound. Yours… are a lot subtler, aren’t they?”

“Mmh.” She went quiet for so long, Raven thought she wouldn’t continue the conversation. Then, abruptly, she scoffed. “I’m scared.”

Raven hesitated for a split second, then grabbed her hand. Luna turned to her, wide eyed, then took a deep breath and leaned her head against Raven’s shoulder.

“Thank you, _Reivon_.”

“Do you want to talk about whatever has you up at night?”

“No.”

Raven snorted. “Will you?”

Luna leaned further against Raven’s chest, hiding her face. Raven’s heart squeezed. She touched Luna’s hair with her free hand, feeling light.

“I worry that they’ll leave.”

“Who, _Floukru?_ ” Raven let her fingers move to the back of Luna’s neck. “Why would they? People run away from bad places, from bad situations. And you’re –“ She spoke three languages and couldn’t find a single word. “ – it’s good. The Oil Rig, I mean. People are happy.”

“They came to me because they wanted peace. That’s what I promised them – a world where they wouldn’t have to wake up and fear that blood would have more and more blood.” Luna curled her fingers on Raven’s shirt. “But Lexa will offer that, too. She’ll succeed. I have no doubts. She’s unstoppable. And I’m glad. But… I’m scared. I’m scared that I’ll no longer be important on the world I dreamed up.”

“That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard,” Raven blurted, and Luna raised her head to glare at her. “I mean it. It’s nonsense. These people might have come to you for peace, but they stay… for you, for each other, for the lives you build together.”

“They have families among the other clans.”

“And maybe they’ll visit. Maybe some will move away, even. But you’re each other families too. I, uh.” Raven was possessed by some insane impulse, and she leaned forward and kissed Luna on the cheek. “You’re important –“ _to me_ “ – to a lot of people. Hell, it’s not as if you’re going to be left out. Even if your whole clan moves out, I guarantee Lexa would have you in Polis in the span of days. That wouldn’t be so bad, right?” Raven was blushing, she knew she was blushing. “I live there.”

Luna took a deep breath. Raven shifted. The pain in her leg had subsided to uncomfortable pinpricks. “No, it would be wonderful. I know I have baseless insecurities. I just…” It was hard to see her, with the last wisps of sunlight already vanishing. Raven thought she might have been crying. “It was so hard, being alone. I can’t help being scared when things change, even if it’s for the better. I don’t think I could bear it again.”

 _“_ You won’t have to.” She brought her thumb to Luna’s cheek. “Promise.”

Luna leaned into her touch and yes, there were definitely tears there. She thought of Aden, of his quiet resignation. She thought of Lexa’s silent insecurity that despite everything they’d shared, Clarke would still choose to leave. She looked at Luna and realized, _She’s in pain_ , and it was a pain Raven knew a bit too well.

“They fucked you up,” Raven pulled her into a hug. She couldn’t see Luna’s face, but she could feel her quick, shallow breaths. “All of you. Jesus Christ. You all have horrible trauma and abandonment issues. Well, me too.” She shook her head, then extended Luna the cigarette. “Here. I’m usually against sharing drugs, but I’ll make an exception.”

Luna took the cigarette from her hands, and Raven reached inside her jacket pockets for a flashlight. She saw Luna try to take a drag, then broke into a fit of coughing.

“First try is the worst.” She tapped the flashlight on, shone it on her own face, then at Luna. “Shouldn’t we find that village of yours? It’s gonna get cold soon.”

Luna rubbed her nose with her hand. “We should, but there’s something I want you to see first.”

“Is it the spirits?” Raven grinned lazily. “You won’t rest until I believe in magic, will you?”

“It’s the spirits.” Luna nodded. Raven took the cigarette from her hands, pulled the air in, then brought it to Luna’s lips. She coughed a little less this time. “Come on. They show up in the sea when the sun goes down.”

Raven shone the light ahead of them, and they moved together. She felt a giddy elation bubble at her chest as she stumbled after Luna, leaning against her for support, and though the air was growing colder and nipping at her skin, Luna’s touch felt so warm she didn’t even complain.

It took them a while to reach the ocean, partly because it was dark, partly because they had to stop every time they were hit by unexplainable fits of giggling.

“Oh –“ Raven said, when they finally reached the beach. “Oh, it’s beautiful. It’s bioluminescent.”

“It’s magic,” Luna said proudly, and Raven could hear her smile.

She laughed. It felt good. “Okay.” She sat down on the final stone step before the sand. “Okay, then. Magic it is. What else is magic?” She pulled off her right shoe, then began clumsily undoing the straps on her brace.

Luna sat down next to her. She was still holding the stub of the cigarette they’d finished sharing on the way down, and Raven took it from her hands and put it out.

“The _Floukru_ Oil Rig stands on the back of a great sleeping turtle.”

“Of course it does.”

“And every full moon, I trade with a mermaid. Fishes for old artifacts. I’ve found a great many things that way.”

Raven finished releasing the upper half of her leg. “Mm-hm.”

“And the blue spirits of the ocean, they have healing properties.” Luna touched her shoulder. “Not for the body, but for the soul.” She moved her fingers over Raven’s arm. “It’s true. I’ve tried them myself. When I first found this place, shortly after I found the Oil Rig I was… struggling. I sunk into those waters because I wanted the spirits to take me with them. But they didn’t. And when I came out, I felt stronger.” She brought her hand over her own heart. “Strong enough to begin _Floukru._ ”

Raven stopped moving and looked at her. The beach was bathed by the light blue glow of algae which were probably very much radioactive. But then again, so was everything else. Luna looked positively ethereal.

“I believe you,” Raven said. It was strange that she found her words true. She finished releasing the leather straps. “The brace is attached to my boot and I’ll be damned if I’ll spend the next thirty hours squelching on wet shoes.” She pulled her foot free. It still ached, but it no longer commanded her attention. “But you’ll have to carry me into the water.”

Luna had very much taken that focus. “Of course.”

 _Que bella eres_ , her brain whispered again, and of all things, it was just like her to get goddamn Ricky Martin stuck in her head right before splashing on an ocean of glowing algae after smoking a joint.

“Keep talking,” She mumbled when Luna picked her up as if she were weightless. “I like your voice.”

Luna smiled. “No. Your turn. Tell me of the stars.”

“I walked among them, once.” Raven wrapped her arms around Luna’s neck. “It’s like being underwater. Cold and weightless. And I could see the whole of Earth below me.”

“What did it look like?”

“Big, round and blue.” Raven watched the water approach, and the beautiful glow truly looked otherworldly.

“Round?” Luna’s dark eyes reflected the blue light. “The world is round?”

“Like a ball.”

Luna stepped into the water. “So how come we don’t fall off it?”

She was about waist-deep then, and Raven tapped her shoulder to be let down, because with water reaching that high, she was able to stand. She put her right foot down first, then her left, holding on Luna’s shoulders for balance.

And then she realized Luna was still waiting for an answer.

 _How come we don’t fall down the world,_ Raven mused. She thought of gravity, of mass attracting mass, of how space and time were a single dimension and how if something was heavy enough, it ended up distorting the fabric of reality itself, making things move towards it as if falling.

It sounded surreal. It sounded –

“It’s magic.”

Luna smiled, and Raven let all of her magic wash over her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "buttons no one can be THAT dense"  
> you clearly haven't been in denial about your sexuality 
> 
> "hey buttons what's the book raven quoted?"  
> a hundred years of solitude by garcia marquez. fantastic book. read it in spanish if you can, because i had the displeasure of learning that it wasn't translated into english, it was like, gentrified into english 
> 
> for instance in the sentence "desterrada de la memoria de los hombres" is translated as "exiled from the memories of men"
> 
> and yes while technically corrrect because semantically you CAN translate "desterrados" as "exiled", spanish also has the word "exiliado" which means the same, and the CHOICE of "desterrados" is very important because it has roots on the word "earth" and the book is, among many things, about colonialism and about claiming the land
> 
> the whole book is sorta like that, it's kinda softened by the translation and i think that's a real pity. that much said, if you can't spanish then read it in english. seriously. good shit. won a literal nobel
> 
> "dope! what is the book about?"  
> i have NO IDEA but like, whatever it is doing, it's really well done 
> 
> "what about the song, which one is it?"  
> frío by ricky martin 
> 
> "did you just quote garcia marquez and ricky martin on the same story, because these are two VERY DIFFERENT levels of classy"  
> ah yes. the duality of being latina. 50% open veins of latin america, 50% des pa ci to


	3. Chapter 3

Raven plucked the guitar strings one by one and scowled. Among all the things Luna had brought her, this was by far the one she’d spent the longest time fixing, if only because it was the one she was most excited about. The strings were broken and the body and neck had taken some damage, but Raven managed to do magic with glue, wooden boards and sandpaper. She improvised new strings with Floukru’s fishing lines and nets, and ended up with a fully functional instrument.

Now she just had to tune it.

She brushed her finger against the first string, then put her finger on the fifth fret, rung it again, then plucked the string below it. She adjusted the tuner until the sounds matched.

She was then reminded she was, in fact, in a public area, because little Floukru kids and Aden, which had been playing nearby, suddenly decided whatever the sky person was doing was attention worthy. Raven smiled at them when they sat in front of her, then resumed her tuning, moving to the third string.

The children elbowed each other, muttering, and then Aden put on a brave face and stepped forward. “Raven?”

She smiled, then replied in fluent Trig so the others could understand them. “Hi, Aden. What are you _chicos_ up to?”

“We want to see your new trinket.” He said, and whatever hesitation he might have had, it was gone in a second. “What are you doing? What’s that thing for? Can I see it?”

“It’s a guitar. You use it to make music.” She ran her fingers over the six strings at the same time. The sound which came out wasn’t quite perfect yet, and she went back to tuning. “I’m tuning it. Adjusting so it makes the right sounds.” She played it again, then hummed in satisfaction. “See? Now it’s perfect.”

“Can I touch it?”

“Sure.” Raven grabbed his hand and brought it to the strings. “Run your fingers over them. Softly. You can use your nails for a different sound.”

Aden experimented with the strings, wide eyed, and his friends decided it was safe to approach and investigate. She gave them time to get comfortable, then casually ruffled Aden’s hair. He raised his head, attentive.

Raven smiled. “Do you want me to play you a song?”

“Yes!” Aden sat down and pulled the two nearest children with him. The others fell in line, and Raven almost laughed at his bossy nature.

She went through each of the major chords, C-D-E-F-G-A-B, thinking about the weight of her responsibility in introducing these kids to their first live acoustic guitar performance. Raven had been playing the guitar since her first music class, to a point where she could play pretty much anything – from Bach to Beatles, from Metallica to Despacito. There was a world she could introduce them to.

She decided to pay homage to her home station and go for Venezuelan pop music.

“Me delata la mirada, hacerme el tonto para qué si a mi no me importa nada –“ _Wait a second is this song rated G, can I even sing it to little children –_ “Prefiero vivir y perder que no haber vivido nada –“ _Whatever, they don’t speak Spanish._

She shifted her fingers to the next chords and continued the song. It was a miscalculation, because as she sung, the rest of Floukru decided her guitar was actually really interesting, and now she was gathering a public. A public to listen to her cheesy reggaeton. A public whose average age was older than five.

This was fine.

“Como arena en el viento, sin brújula sin direcciones, pisado y sediento –“ The good thing was, she got far too into the music to be attacked by stage fright. She let her body sway to the rhythm, tapping her foot on the ground. “Si te vas, quedaré en un dolor que jamás conocí –“

_(if you leave it’ll hurt)_

“Imagínate que tú conoces lo que desconoces, yo me convierto en lobo después de las doce –“ She smiled. She couldn’t help it. The lyrics were goofy, it was a cheery song, and she’d missed playing the guitar so much, she wondered how was she even living without it. Her fingers had lost their calluses on the tips, because she hadn’t played in so long. “Por que en la calle hay mucha compet eh eh! Siempre lo bueno se corrompe eh eh!”

Every time she raised her voice into an _eh_ , the children grinned into the purest delight, and now even some of the mean-looking sailor types were tapping their feet. She laughed. Usually, laughing between verses would completely break the rhythm of a song, but some songs were just made for expressing joy. “Pero me viene otra mujer aprovechándose –“

And then Luna walked in, or maybe she was already there, hovering on the edge of her perception.

“ - Cuando tu eres la que me encanta, chica!” Raven’s voice missed a note, but she recovered fast enough, except –

_(you’re the one who makes me happy)_

“Nunca yo me atrevería a dejarte, sola –“ She felt her heart pick up speed, beating at a weird rhythm. Her fingertips were suddenly sweaty. “Chiqui, chiqui, chiqui, chiquitica nunca, sola –“

_(I wouldn’t leave you alone)_

She told herself to focus, but it was impossible to detach herself from Luna’s damn magical presence, from the way she walked to the front of the crowd, stopping to pat the heads of the children she called her ‘little ones’. “Por ti yo guarde mi pistola, las gatitas no me controlan –“

It was Luna, walking towards her, that quiet yet irresistibly charming presence, the mysterious stranger she was irrevocably drawn to. It was the dark, kind eyes, it was the private smile, it was the quirky weirdness, and quite frankly Raven should have seen this coming. “Andas en mi cabeza nena a todas horas, no sé como explicarte –“

_(you’re in my head all the time and I can’t explain this)_

She should have seen this coming, but she didn’t, and now there she was – singing a tacky, almost indecent Latino song and thinking of a girl. Like a god damn telenovela character, in love with her best friend’s sister, oblivious to it, being hit by her feelings like a plunging escape pod hitting Earth.

Raven felt immensely stupid, and she didn’t even have the time to dwell on it, because Luna was right in front of her, and Raven’s fingers were moving on their own accord, plucking notes from the guitar, words leaving her lips even as she felt her cheeks burn with a blush. “El mundo me da vueltas, tu me descontrolas, no paro de pensarte –“

_(the world spins, you make me lose control, I can’t stop thinking about you)_

Luna smiled. Raven’s hand slipped, her fingers sliding past the strings, a note coming off too strong. She froze, trapped under the warmth of Luna’s gaze, heart thudding painfully against her chest, and for a moment all she could do was stare like an idiot.

There were people looking at them, people confused about the sudden interruption, and Raven was barely aware of them. Luna held her attention as if the whole world around her was drained of color. Raven felt as if she was going to combust. “ _Puta madre_.” She realized she’d spoken out loud, and felt her cheeks burn even harder. “I, uh. The guitar. I think it still needs some adjustments.”

Aden, _bless_ his perceptive soul, started clapping his hands. The children followed his lead, and then the adults, until Raven was enveloped by thunderous applause and Luna’s wide-eyed stare, as if she was the one who had been caught having inappropriate feelings for someone she should _not_ be thinking of that way.

“I have to go,” She said, her voice an octave too high. “To, um. I need to…” She reached for the first explanation she could think of, which unfortunately was the truth. “I just realized I need to call your sister. Important matters to talk about.”

Luna frowned, then nodded. Raven began walking, but Luna grabbed her wrist before she could leave. Raven stared at where their skins touched, saw her hairs raise into goosebumps. She was so screwed. So very screwed.

“Thank you for the song. It was lovely.”

 _You’re lovely,_ she thought involuntarily. _I’m in love with you. Oh, god, I’m in love with you._

“It was my pleasure,” Raven mumbled, offering Luna an awkward smile.

And then she bolted out of the room without waiting for an answer.

* * *

She’d been working on the Oil Rig’s computer since the very first day she’d arrived, little by little, but existential despair was a powerful motivator, and it took her approximately fifteen minutes to finish the job and boot it up. Getting it connected was harder, because she’d been using the leftovers of the Ark as her makeshift relay point for internet signal, and it wasn’t like she could just climb into space to fix things.

The satellite dish Luna had placed on the highest spot of the rig worked, at least. Once it was all set up, she was quick to start a VoIP call directly to the laptop she’d set up on Lexa’s bedroom. It was already past nine, so she figured the odds of Lexa being done for the day were high, mostly because Clarke would not let her work past eight.

The call rung twice, but Clarke was the one to pick up. “Raven?”

“Clarke.” The image on the screen had, at best, 360p of resolution. “Your girl around?”

“She’s having a bath.” Clarke pulled a chair to sit in front of the camera. “Something up?”

“No, well, yeah, kinda.” Raven rubbed her face and groaned, then an idea struck her. “Hey, this works, actually. You can help me with this.”

“What is it?”

Raven paused to think about her next words. “How did you…” She made a vague gesture. “How did you know you were into girls?”

Clarke blinked. The question was clearly not what she’d been expecting. “Huh.” She shrugged. “I suppose I was always curious about it. But back in the Ark, you know how it was – I was expected to end up with Wells. I knew that, and I was invested on it, so that didn’t leave me with a ton of leeway to explore.”

Raven leaned forward, frowning. “Were you into Wells?”

Clarke clicked her tongue. “For sure. He was sweet and cute. Wells is the reliable type. He’s warm and tender and empathetic. I love him. I’ll never not love him. And when I love someone, it’s easier to want them, too.”

“You say as if the attraction was a choice.” Raven scratched the back of her head. “Is it a choice? Should it be a choice?”

“Mmh.” Clarke licked her lips. “It’s not so much that I choose who I’m attracted to, it’s that I can choose to let it grow or to put a stop to it. Like… like Finn.”

“Finn?” His name struck her like a blow. She hadn’t thought of Finn, not in days, a colossal and deliberate effort to steer her mind away from that wound. Hearing his name felt like a punch, though it hurt less than she expected it to. “What about him?” Clarke fell silent, thoughtful, and Raven scowled. “Come on, _gringa_. He and I are over and I have another love life mess I haven’t even gotten to yet. Just give me the dirt.”

“He was coming onto me pretty strongly.” Clarke sighed. “Openly before you got to the ground, much more subtly after you arrived, but still doing it.” Clarke looked directly at the camera, giving Raven the uncanny feeling of being stared at through the screen. “I can’t tell whether my attraction to Finn was a thing that happened briefly or a thing that _could_ have happened, but it was a thing I crushed as soon as I noticed it, in respect to you.”

“Hey, thanks.” She lifted her fist to the screen and bumped the camera like a greeting. “Sorority, sister. Would have been better if you’d told me he was a manwhore, granted.”

“I couldn’t really prove it.” Clarke had the decency to look apologetic, at least. “It would have been my word against his, and you’d known him all his life. I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“Eh, whatever. Bygones be bygones. Pointless to hold all that against you now.” She waved it off. She had far too many complicated feelings to add being angry at Clarke to the pile. “So, what happened between you and Wells? You were into him, and then you weren’t?”

Clarke took a deep breath. “It was a series of unfortunate events. What I had with him was slow, blooming, tentative. We hadn’t even kissed yet, but…” She scoffed. “This sounds silly. He took me on a date. We held hands. He’s a gentleman who takes his sweet time.”

“ _Ey,_ it’s cute.” She grinned. It was relieving to not be the center of the conversation, and having Clarke open up first helped her get comfortable. “Let me guess: then his dad floated your dad and sent you to the skybox?”

Clarke went still, then sighed. “Pretty much. It was mom who told on dad, but I’d told Wells, and he wanted to be a hero about it, so he let me believe he’d been the one to snitch. So suddenly I hated him, and what we had was gone. By the time I found out the truth, well.” She shrugged. “By then, there was Lexa. And I don’t really… it takes me a lot of energy to like someone that way. I can only ever give that kind of attention to one person, I think.”

“How was it, between you two?”

“I never stood a chance.” Clarke smiled, then shook her head. “It’s not the same, liking men and women, not to me at least. It takes me a bit to get attracted to guys, I have to get to know them first. With Lexa, it was… one look at her and I was already sweating, and then we clicked so much, there was no questioning about what I felt.”

“Hold up.” She raised a hand. “So you don’t look at guys and think ‘hot bod, want that dick’, but you look at girls and think ‘I wanna tap that’? Is that what you mean?”

Clarke blinked. “That’s… a way of putting it, yes. What I was trying to say is that liking men and women doesn’t necessarily mean falling for them the same way, or at the same pace.”

“Hey, that’s surprisingly helpful.” Raven took a moment to consider her words. “Maybe it _isn’t_ the same to me as well. Huh.” She felt her chest ache and shifted on her seat, uncomfortable. “ _Puta madre_ , _puta madre, puta –_ “

“Klark, I put some water to warm for you.” Lexa appeared on the edge of the screen, wearing nothing but a long cotton shirt which Clarke had certainly stolen from someone. She approached, peeking curiously at the screen. “Raven!!”

Lexa grinned, and Raven grinned in return, and they shared the same energy as two puppies greeting each other and wagging their tails. “ _Jefe!!”_

“There you go.” Clarke rolled her eyes. “Your love guru is here. I’ll go have my bath.”

Lexa kissed Clarke’s forehead, and Clarke smiled before walking out of the screen. Lexa took a sit on the chair and faced her with a smile. “I knew Floukru would bring you joy. They’re odd people. Odd in that dreamy way you like.”

“Of course. Of _course_ after my first break up, my boss sends me on a work trip to the land of temptation.” Lexa nodded, serious, and Raven let out an anxious snicker. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you?”

Lexa nodded again. “You are beyond Finn’s reach when he realizes his mistake and crawls back to you, and surrounded by people you will find fascinating so you won’t even remember him.”

“What is your problem you conniving viper -”

“That’s Klark. Klark schemes, Klark’s the viper.” Lexa corrected. “You can hardly call it scheming when I straight up told you my intentions of sending you away to have you meet new people and maybe find new love.”

Raven’s anxiety grew to suffocating levels. She told herself to reach into the roots of it, because she knew anxiety was nothing but fear and anticipation, and she could tame that beast with hard logics. What she found, though, was a mess she was far from ready to deal with.

It wasn’t just the years of rejection and abandonment, it wasn’t just how she’d raised herself on half-meals and breadcrumbs of love, it wasn’t just how every single good thing in her life seemed attached to a bad one, how she got her freedom but lost her leg, how she got a new family but lost her love, how she took one limping step forward and five backwards, how she never ever could quite fit in.

It wasn’t just. It was all of it, at once. She had an ache in her leg that wouldn’t leave her, but the pain in her soul ran just as deep. She reached inside for the things she feared and what she found was a burning anger so strong it bordered on loathing.

It scared her to see it was entirely directed at herself.

“You did tell me, but – you know what, this is great. Fantastic. _Me cago en dios._ ” Raven hid her face behind her hands, fingers trembling, feeling her eyes burn with unshed tears of frustration. “I just had to find out I’m queer by taking a break-up trip to an Oil Platform held in place by a magical world turtle, then promptly falling in love with my best friend’s sister.” She scowled. “My life is _una puta telenovela y yo soy la maldita lisiada –“_

“Raven.” She saw Lexa reach out and touch the screen. It was the most bizarre shape of comfort from a technologically impaired grounder, and she scoffed at the absurdity. “You’re angry. Did I do something bad? I had the best intentions, but if I was harmful, let me know so I can make amends.”

“It’s not you I’m angry at.” She looked away. “It’s myself, for making things infinitely more complicated than they have a right to be.”

“I don’t understand.”

Raven sighed. She crossed her legs on top of the chair. The thing about talking with Lexa was this – Lexa more often than not simply did not grasp whatever the problem was. It should have been frustrating, having to explain her every single thing, but Raven actually appreciated it, because in more than one occasion, trying to explain Lexa the issue made her realize it was a nonissue.

“It’s a lot of things at once.” She said, trying to put them into a more-or-less comprehensible order. “I think I’m falling for Luna.”

“Yes, that’s what I gathered from your angry rant.” Lexa nodded. “So?”

“So…” She watched as Lexa wordlessly pushed her chair with her feet and it started spinning. Despite the overwhelming need to cry, that made her smile. “I did not know, before this, that I was able to have these feelings for women.”

“And you find that conflicting.” Lexa stopped her chair. “Why?”

_Yes, why?_

She hated the answer. “It’s… it was not something well seen, among my people. A lot of Skaikru still hold objections to it. Maybe not openly, but definitely in subtle ways. And I know I shouldn’t care, it shouldn’t matter, but I – I can’t help caring. I can’t help wanting to fit in.”

Lexa tilted her head. “Well, it is well seen among _my_ people.” She pointed to herself with her thumb. “Because I did it. And I am the Commander. And anything I do is immediately…” She hesitated. “Totally rad?”

Raven laughed. “That is an appropriate use of that slang, yes.”

“Good.” Lexa nodded, looking very proud of herself. “So. My people never held objections to it, and I don’t think they’re about to start anytime soon. And I think the furthest thing from Skaikru’s interests is trying to speak up against my union with Klark. And.” She touched the screen with her index. “You may not fit in with Skaikru. I think Klark and Octavia feel the same. But, Raven.” She smiled. “You are my people, and you fit in with me.”

She wanted to cry _very much_. “I just – I don’t know. I just hate the fact that I’m extra work.”

Lexa frowned. “You lost me again.”

“Because of my stupid leg.” She muttered. “Let’s be real here. This is a wild world, and I’m crippled. If you dropped me in the middle of the woods, I wouldn’t survive – I can’t run through the foliage, I can’t hunt, I can’t build a proper shelter without help –“

“Neither can the rest of Skaikru?” Lexa said, bewildered. “Except for Octavia and maybe Klark, because I’ve been teaching her. The rest of your clan will unironically die if left unattended for more than twenty minutes.”

Raven gave her a blank look, feeling the gears in her head turn.

Then she burst out laughing.

“I –“ Lexa blinked. “We should not value people on the basis of what they can offer us, but rather learn what value truly is by seeing each individual’s unique, inherent worth.”

“Did Luna tell you that?”

“Yes.”

Raven laughed again. “What do _you_ think, really?”

“That any leader who lets their people starve or freeze or suffer from things which can be prevented is a bad leader. And that tending to the wellbeing of every person is nothing more than my duty. It’s not charity to provide for people’s individual needs, it’s equity, and it’s my literal job.” Lexa crossed her arms and looked up, thoughtful. “That much said, Skaikru would legitimately be just more mouths to feed if not for their knowledge of tech. Which is you, mostly. A few others, but none that compare to you.”

“You never fail to deliver a perspective that turns my head upside down.” Raven smiled. “So – being queer is super cool and everyone else in the Ark is useless _but_ me, actually.” The laughter bubbled inside her again, and she snickered. “Thanks, _jefe.”_

“You’re… welcome?” Lexa looked back at the screen. “We have a lot of warriors who bear battle wounds that limit them, and we do not look at them unkindly. We value their sacrifices. But they’re often angry at themselves for no longer being able to fight as they did. I…” There was a change in her expression, a certain vulnerability Raven knew she was one of the few to ever witness. “I had hoped, now that there is no longer a battle being fought, now that I am trying to tear down the beliefs of war, I had hoped that we’d find ways to make them feel more welcome among us.”

Raven nodded, and Lexa leaned forward. “Raven.” She had that look of thoughtful determination she got before doing something daunting, like asking Clarke out or trying to revolutionize society. “Can you make that happen?”

 _This is you at work again,_ Raven realized. _This is you turning an abstract problem of feelings into a concrete problem which demands action, because you know I think better than I feel, and you know solving one will indirectly solve the other._

“We’re almost the same, you and I, aren’t we?” She stared at Lexa with a certain wonder. “And yeah. Count me in.”

“I’m much taller, and I do, in fact, like myself.” Lexa grinned. “I eagerly await your innovations and your solutions, Minister. Let me know what you need.”

“Thanks, _jefe._ ” Raven shook her head, feeling a lot lighter, but she still had some reminiscent anxiety she couldn’t shake off. There was a certain irreverence to it, though – going from such deep personal pain back to the grounds of girl trouble. “So how do I even go about this liking girls thing?”

“What?”

“I mean, okay, look.” Raven made a vague sound of distress. “I know I like your sister. I was singing cheesy love songs and thinking of her, damn it, even I can’t look past that. But with guys, I look at their cute faces and think it would be nice to kiss them. I never did that with girls –“ _because I told myself it was wrong “_ – I never thought about kissing a girl before.”

Lexa gave her a long, sheepish look. “So… think about it?”

Raven opened her mouth to reply, but no words came out. She paused, still gaping. Thought about kissing girls. Felt her cheeks warm up. “Oh, my god.” She thought about kissing one girl in particular. Her heart did a flip which could be mistaken for a fibrillation. “ _Puta madre_.”

Lexa had a shit-eating grin on her face. “Good thoughts?”

“I, um. I think I have to go.”

Lexa’s grin widened. “ _Great_ thoughts, I see.”

“Wh-“ The innuendo hit her like a slap. “Not for _that –“_

Lexa laughed. Raven gave her the middle finger, which probably meant nothing to grounders, but she was sure Lexa was smart enough to understand it as an insult.

“I want to see her.” Raven almost whispered. “I want to look at her like – like the way you look at Clarke.” She felt a twinge of uncertainty. “Do you think I should –“

“Go for it.”

“- but if she doesn’t like me back?”

“It would break your heart. But that happens sometimes.” Lexa shrugged. “If you don’t do it, though, you’ll never know. And I find that I can handle a whole lot of pain, but even a little bit of uncertainty will destroy me, because I just can’t stop _thinking_ about it. I think you know how it is. We are almost the same, after all.”

Raven grinned. “I think you’re right. Worst case scenario, at least I’ve opened my eyes to my latent bisexuality and I’ll leave this whole ordeal with even more people to thirst over.”

“Good luck.” Lexa gave her an encouraging smile. “I love you. Aden told me I should say it to you because he thinks you didn’t believe him.” Raven’s shock must have been evident, because Lexa frowned. “I think you don’t believe me either.”

Raven brought her hand to her chest. The constant ache was still there, but it felt soothed, dulled to something bearable, something which looked less like it would rip her in half, more like it was on its way to healing. “It’s a work in progress. But I love you, too. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” She stood, then winked. “Raven Reyes has a girl to charm.”

* * *

As it turned out, Raven Reyes did not easily charm the girl.

Instead she knocked on Luna’s door, hands sweating, shifting from one foot to the other, lightheaded from her racing heart. It crossed her mind right then that she had not, in fact, been the one to ask Finn out. Her notions of romance had always involved a boy and a girl and a bouquet of flowers, never a ferocious girl who nonetheless was gentle –

Luna opened the door, eyes wide, worry evident. “Raven? Is everything okay?”

It was half past eleven in the night. She felt like an idiot. “I, um…”

 _Think about it,_ Lexa’s words echoed in her head, and she was thinking about it, all right. Luna was staring, and the mere knowledge that she held Luna’s attention was enough to make her breathless.

“Raven?”

“Meteor shower in Orionids.” She blurted, and Luna frowned. “Stars,” Raven explained lamely. “Gazing. Stargazing. With, uh. Me?”

 _Puta madre_ , she thought, frustrated. _Olvidé cómo hablar inglés de repente –_

Luna smiled, and for a split moment Raven wished Clarke was around because she was about to need CPR. “Of course. I know a spot. But wait.” She turned around and vanished into her room. A moment later, she reappeared, carrying an ancient hoodie with a faded _Texaco_ logo printed on the front. “It’s always chilly out. Here.” Raven caught a split second of hesitation. “This is like _Skaikru_ clothes, isn’t it? I thought you’d be more comfortable in them.”

Raven’s fingers trembled when she picked it up. She pulled it over her head. It was far too big for her, and she had to pull the sleeves up and fold them. It smelled distinctly like Luna and it reached past Raven’s hips. When she raised her eyes again, she found Luna staring at her, and the affection of the gesture struck her like thunder. “Yeah. _Gracias._ ”

_Think about it._

Raven couldn’t stop thinking about it. She couldn’t think about anything but Luna when Luna was around, and now she realized how the idea had rooted itself in her heart, extending tendrils that wrapped themselves around the nerves on her skin, blooming flowers into every little nook and cranny of her mind.

“Coming?” Luna asked, and Raven realized she’d been staring at her, hypnotized.

“Um, yeah.” She stumbled forward.

They took the lift – the lift Raven had fixed – all the way to its last level, the highest point on the Oil Rig. When she stepped out, she immediately shivered. The wind was freezing cold, and she followed Luna to a platform with rusted, precarious railings.

Raven raised her eyes to the sky, tracing the constellations with her mind until she found the one she was looking for. “There.” She pointed at Orion, moving her fingertip over the stars that composed its belt. “That’s where it’ll happen.”

Luna looked. “Where what will happen?”

“A meteor shower.” There was a gust of freezing wind, and Raven shivered. Her teeth were chattering. “Y-you can see the f-fragments entering the atmosphere.”

“You’re freezing.” Luna muttered, then hugged Raven from behind, pulling her close. “And you’re talking strange sky words again.”

Raven felt her body temperature go up really fast. “Thanks.” She took a deep breath, Luna’s presence all around her, and she could just melt into Luna’s arms. She was thinking about _it,_ about turning around and pressing their lips together and spilling the words caught on her throat. “The stars are paying us a visit, and we’re here to welcome them.”

From their position, Raven couldn’t see Luna’s smile, but she could feel it, almost like a physical presence, just from the way Luna pulled her closer. “Did they tell you they were coming?”

 _I just did the maths,_ she thought, but Luna’s warmth was seeping through Raven’s skin and suddenly things which were impossible didn’t seem so unattainable anymore – things like that moment. “Yeah. Something like that.”

Luna hummed. “Thank you for inviting me.”

“Can you tell me something?” Raven let herself tentatively brush her fingers against the back of Luna’s hand. The contact which used to feel friendly now had an entirely different meaning which she could not ignore.

“Mmh?” Luna rested her chin on the top of Raven’s head. “What would you like to know?”

 _Do you like me as I like you_ , she thought, but the courage to say the words eluded her. “I – nothing in particular. You just talk so little about yourself. I wanted to know you better.”

Luna went very still. Raven couldn’t help it – she turned around to face her, feeling a desperate need to just look at her _like that_. It was dark, the platform illuminated solely by the dim glow of the safety lights Raven had gotten to work just that morning. She could see Luna well, but only because they were very close.

 _Very_ close.

“I’ll give you a little bit of me, if you give me a little bit of you, _skai_ girl.” Raven could feel Luna’s voice reverberate where their chests touched. “Do we have a deal?”

“Depends on what you want.” Raven said, as if right then she wouldn’t give Luna anything.

“I want your words.” She tucked Raven’s hair behind her ear. “The ones you wouldn’t tell me before, because they hurt. I’ll tell you my hurts in return.”

“Okay.” Raven exhaled. “You go first. You told me –“She paused, wondering if she should push through. “You told me you went into the sea wanting to drown.”

Luna leaned forward, bringing her way too much into Raven’s personal space. Raven didn’t protest, exhilarated by the closeness. “I killed my brother. And then I left. I left because I couldn’t do it ever again, and because I could never lay a finger against Lexa, not when she was the only one who…” Her breath hitched. “She was the only one I ever got through to. The only one who listened. And if I stayed, if I took her life, then I would be so utterly alone in the world, I couldn’t bear that thought.”

“The only thing more terrifying than blindness is being the only one who can see.” Raven murmured.

“Is that from a book, too?”

“Yeah.” Raven felt Luna comb her hair with her fingers and fought back the urge to whimper at the overwhelming delight of the sensation. “But I don’t think you would like that one. It’s pessimistic.”

“I would like to read it with you regardless.” Luna’s tone had a softness to it that made Raven raise her eyes to Luna’s face, and maybe it was just the lights, but she thought she saw Luna’s cheeks darken with a blush. “I left and I didn’t say goodbye. I wish I had. I was ashamed of my own selfishness. Because what use were my beliefs if when it came down to it, when put to test, all I did was run away?”

“Did you know Lexa was the one to survive?”

“The first I heard of her was that she was on a war path, and that made me feel like I’d killed her anyway, not through a blade but through my own cowardice. Because if only I’d told her how much I loved her before I left, then maybe –“ She stopped. Raven felt Luna’s body shake with a sob she would not let go. “That’s what sent me over the edge. The thought that through my actions, I had not taken her life, but…”

“Blinded her?” Raven offered.

“Yes.” Luna’s fingers had stopped on the back of Raven’s neck, and Raven was tentative in moving her hands to touch Luna’s hips. “So I went into the sea, hoping it would take me back. But when the sun went down, I was met with the spirits. And then a few days later I heard news again – that the rumors of brewing war were gone, that the Coalition had been formed. And then I knew that there was still _one_ person out there who saw things as I did, and if I’d succeeded once, then I could do it again.”

“That’s when you started Floukru.”

“Yes.” Luna moved even closer, enough that Raven could feel her breathing. “I did not dare to think Lexa would ever forgive me, but every time I heard from her, I knew she, too, was trying to change the world. I built this from scratch, this little utopia based on the principles we shared, hoping that on the day my people met hers again, those principles would be universal.” Luna’s fingers traced Raven’s jaw. “It was hope I got from those spirits, that night. It’s… also what I wanted to give you, when I took you to them.”

 _I want you to kiss me_ , she thought, Luna’s touch leaving burning trails on her skin. “Blindness is also this – to live in a world where all hope is gone.”

Luna smiled. “Those are not the words you owe me.”

Raven opened her mouth to reply, but when she did, she realized Luna had leaned in even further. She realized what was going to happen then, from the way Luna’s hand had moved to tilt her chin up, and she held her breath, her whole body tensing with anticipation –

“Ah,” Luna said, and pulled back, smiling. “Your stars are here, look.”

 _Oh no WAY,_ Raven thought irately, slapped on the face by the fact that she had just been cockblocked by astronomical phenomena. _Una PUTA telenovela –_

But she turned around anyway, and though she’d been tracking meteor showers ever since she landed on Earth, they still amazed her. She watched the sky become dotted with shooting stars, and Luna moved to her side, still close enough to wrap her arms around Raven and keep her warm.

 _“Porque las estirpes condenadas a cien años de soledad no tenían una segunda oportunidad sobre la tierra.”_ Raven said without tearing her eyes from the sky. “For the people doomed to a hundred years of solitude did not get a second chance on earth.” She leaned into Luna’s embrace. “That’s what I thought, when I sat in front of a window to see the sun rise. It’s what I thought when I did my spacewalk, and what I thought when I touched the ground. One hundred lonely years making the same mistakes.” She shrugged, then smiled. “I’m glad all of you were here to give us a second chance. I don’t think we would have made it on our own.”

“Because you did not know how to survive on the land?”

“No.” Raven took a deep breath. “Because we didn’t have a you, a Lexa, a Lincoln. I’m not sure what about being on the ground creates people with such strong, good hearts, but the Ark broke Clarke, it broke Octavia, it broke me, and being around you made us whole again.” She exhaled. The shooting stars grew fewer and further apart. “We… were not good people. You turned us into our best selves.”

Luna tore her eyes from the sky and stared at Raven, her lips curling into a small smile. “Thank you for showing me your stars.” She brushed her thumb against Raven’s lip. “They were most beautiful.”

 _I was a fool not to see this_ , Raven thought, shivering at the touch. _I’d be a fool not to act on it._ “Luna, I –“ the words died before they could reach her lips. She cleared her throat and tried again “It’s just, uh, well, -“

“It’s okay.” Luna kissed her on the forehead. The affection was so overwhelming, Raven teared up. “You’re not ready. Take your time. I’ll wait for you.”

“That… doesn’t sound fair.”

“You just admitted to a skewered concept of morality. Maybe I should be in charge of that decision.”

Raven gave up on holding back the tears and pressed her face against Luna’s shoulder. “Everything’s difficult and I’m so tired.”

“It gets better. Promise.”

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” Raven blurted, then immediately felt her whole face burn from a blush. “Not – not sexually. I mean it’s not that I don’t want you that way – wait, no, that came out wrong –“

“You’re lonely.”

“Yeah.” She wiped her eyes with the sleeve of the too-long hoodie. “It was the shooting stars, maybe, or going back to Ark memories. I don’t know. But if I lie down on a cold bed by myself I know I’ll just cry all night, and it’s too late to snuggle up with Aden, I don’t want to wake him up.”

Luna offered her a playful smile. “Ah. I see I’m not even your first option for cuddling.”

“Of course not. Aden is irresistibly cute.” Raven grinned. “He curls up like a baby marsupial and he refuses to go to sleep if you don’t give him his goodnight kissy.”

“Titus would lose his mind.” Luna shook her head, then took Raven’s hand. “You’d be very welcome to spend the night whenever you want to.”

 _I’m in love with you_ , she thought for the umpteenth time, and Luna’s hand on hers felt like the lifeline that tethered her during her spacewalk. “Thank you.”

Luna nodded and went quiet again.

The silence between them on their way back down was a comfortable one.

* * *

Despite the offer, Raven did not sleep on Luna’s bed again. Mostly because she’d spent the night alternating between thoughts of unspeakable yearning and thoughts of unspeakable horny, and the experience was torture, and she _did_ need sleep.

She called Lexa first thing in the morning and waited while a pair of grounders scurried to find her. She felt a little bad pulling Lexa off her duties like this, but to her defense, this was definitely a best friend emergency.

It helped that Lexa never complained about being interrupted – to the contrary, there was a certain delight on her face when Raven explained what, exactly, was the reason behind the call.

“I tried to confess to your sister and failed but we slept together but not sexually, just sleeping, except I didn’t sleep at all and I left in the morning before she woke up and now I feel like an asshole.” Raven said without pausing to breathe.

Lexa blinked, then grinned, and Raven caught herself smiling too, because despite the absurdity of the situation, despite how she felt like her heart was climbing up her throat, it felt nice when the so-called emergency did not involve anyone dying or the world ending.

“Don’t panic.” Lexa raised her hand. “We can salvage this. Skaikru is known to behave in odd, skittish ways.” She clicked her fingers. “I know! Give her a trinket. _Natblida_ love trinkets because Titus never let us have anything. We’re like raccoons. Give her something interesting.”

“Can do.” Raven said, grabbing a notepad and writing it down. “There isn’t a lot of entertaining things in an Oil Platform but I did find a one-eyed Furby in the control cabin. Bet I could get that to work.”

“I have no idea what that is, but you always give me excellent gifts.” Lexa crossed her arms over her chest. “What went wrong?”

Raven groaned. “I took her stargazing. There was a meteor shower in Orionids. It was really beautiful.”

“Ah.” Lexa smiled. “Klark takes me stargazing, too. Perhaps it’s a Skaikru thing to do. It is always wonderful. She teaches me your people’s names for the stars.”

“Yeah, it was – it was nice. Great.” She blushed. “We almost kissed, but then I couldn’t get the words out, I don’t know.” Raven rubbed her face. “My mind went blank, I forgot how to speak English. Complete panic.”

“Do you always have trouble asking people out?”

“I mean, I slept around after Finn. A couple guys, it was easy. But, uh. There were no feelings involved, it was just no strings attached fun.” She licked her lips, realizing they had gone dry. “With Luna, it’s different. I like her. I like her a _lot_. As a person, as a friend, I – you know when you really click with a person?” At Lexa’s quizzical expression, she added, “When you and a person get along so well and so fast, it feels as if you’ve known each other forever?”

Lexa nodded. “You’re scared if you make the push, you’ll lose the friendship.”

“Yeah. That would break my heart. And she’s your sister, _jefe_ , I mean, you’re my best friend. She’ll be in my life one way or the other. And then I’d have to… be around her, without being _with_ her. That would hurt like a fucker.”

“More than looking at her and wondering about what could have been?” Lexa leaned forward. “You said she almost kissed you. I’d say that’s a good sign. It’s just… Luna won’t make a move for as long as she thinks you’re unsure, and she’s good at sensing those things. And you _are_ insecure.”

“Not about wanting her, damn it, I’m insecure about…” She trailed off, looking for the right words. “About not being good enough.”

Lexa frowned. “For Luna? Isn’t that for her to decide?”

“Well, yeah, I guess it is.” She sighed. “Okay, you know what? This is nonsense. What I need are practical solutions.”

Lexa rubbed her hands together. “ _Now_ we’re talking.”

“The problem is I keep freezing up. I need to get the words out.” She crossed her arms. “The words, I don’t even know which ones. ‘I like you’ or ‘Go out with me’ or ‘Just pin me against a wall and have your way with me, please’, something like that.”

“Maybe not that last one,” Lexa laughed. “All right. If you can’t say it, write her a note.”

Raven’s expression brightened. “That’s a great idea. I can write her a cheesy love letter. Leave it on her desk or something of the sort.”

Lexa shook her head. “Not a letter. A little paper slip. Keep it brief and to the point. If you try too hard, you’ll get stuck. And maybe…” Lexa tapped her chin. “You know those things you cook sometimes? The buns you make me try whenever you come up with a new topping or a new filling?”

“ _Arepas_?”

“Yeah! Make her those.” Lexa grinned. “ _Natblida_ love being gifted food.”

“Because Titus let you starve?”

“Titus didn’t let us eat anything other than our pre-selected diet. It was good, made us grow strong and healthy. But we got so curious about all the treats. Visiting the market was torture.” Lexa licked her lips. “We shared with each other, whenever we managed to sneak something in. There were nine of us, sometimes it wasn’t even a bite for each, but we always split it evenly apart.” Lexa took a deep breath and broke eye contact. “So. Yeah. Food gifts. She’ll be overjoyed.”

“ _Jefe.”_ They stared at each other through the screen for one long, quiet moment. Raven could tell she’d touched a painful memory, and she gave Lexa a moment to recover. “Sorry for your loss.” Lexa acquiesced, and Raven nodded, writing down what Lexa had suggested. “And, thanks for the tips. Trinkets, a note and _arepas_. I’ll let you know how it goes.”

Lexa smiled wide. “Don’t overthink it, just do it.”

“Understood, _jefe_.” Raven waved her goodbye and hung up.

She stared at the notepad in front of her, rolling the pen between her fingers. She flipped the page into a blank one, pressed the pen against the paper, then hesitated.

 _Keep it brief,_ she thought. Her handwriting had never been a neat one, and she made an extra effort to make it legible, at least.

_Maybe your mermaid can give you something for this._

_\- R._

And then she set to fixing a Furby.

* * *

“You did _what?”_

“I wrote a note to give her with the arepa. It said 'I like you'. And then ate it.” Raven hid her face behind her hands and groaned. “I was waiting for her, holding it on a neat little plate, and then she opened the door and I saw her and panicked and just. Stuffed the whole thing in my mouth.”

“The _whole_ thing?”

She could see Lexa was trying really hard not to laugh. Raven couldn’t blame her. “The whole thing. One entire arepa. Right into my mouth. I had no idea it could fit, but it did.”

“What about the note?”

Raven stared at the screen with the most deadpan face she could muster. “I ate it.”

Lexa burst out laughing. She laughed so hard there were tears in her eyes, and Raven could see her struggling to breathe. “You ate the – pffhahahahah –“

There was a loud crashing sound when she slipped from the office chair and went out of the camera’s range. Raven straightened her back, alarmed. “Jefe?”

Lexa’s hand came into view, giving her a thumbs up, and Raven laughed. “I ate the arepa to disguise the fact that I was eating the note.” She mumbled miserably. “I couldn’t just shove a bunch of paper into my mouth, she’d think I’m crazy.”

Lexa half-climbed up the chair and caught her breath, wiping tears from the corners of her eyes. “Aha. But one entire loaf of bread is fine.”

Raven was struck by anxiety. “God. Oh, god. She’ll think I’m greedy, won’t she? Shit.” She whimpered. “I didn’t even offer her a bite, _puta madre._ ”

“It’s okay.” Lexa inhaled, giggled, exhaled. “She won’t take offense.”

“You were right, though.” Raven leaned back against her chair and stared at the ceiling. “Thank god I didn’t write a whole letter.”

Lexa broke into laughter again.

* * *

Raven left her room for an hour to get dinner. When she came back, there was something on top of her pillow. It was a bracelet, and when Raven ran her fingers over it, she felt it was made from the same string Floukru used for nets, the same strings she’d used for her guitar.

And then there was a note. Raven picked it up, heart fluttering, smiling without meaning to at the careful, precise handwriting.

_The mermaid made me one of those and told me to give it to someone special. I hope you’ll accept wearing it._

_Will you let me have a bite of your bread next time? It looked delicious._

_\- L._

Raven let herself fall on the bed, shoving her face on the pillow so it could drown out her frustrated screaming.

* * *

“It’s a Floukru thing.” Lexa’s face was so close to the screen, Raven could only see one eye and half a nose. “The patterns have meanings. Like the braids I give Klark every morning.”

Raven ran her fingers over the smooth strings and how they looped and twisted on themselves. “What does this one in particular mean?”

“I don’t know. There’s a part of it which makes it clear that it was made by Luna’s hands. But Floukru traditions aren’t well known to outsiders.” She pulled back so that Raven could see her whole face again. “Linkon might be able to tell you, he and Luna are quite close. You can ask him when you return.”

“Right.” She cleared her throat. “When I return. Next week.”

She’d been on the Oil Rig for almost two months at that point, and unless she wanted to pull a Penelope-waiting-on-Odysseus move and start actively breaking things, most of her work was already done.

It wasn’t that she _couldn’t_ ask Lexa for more time – quite the contrary, she felt secure enough in their friendship that she knew she wouldn’t even need to ask. But she’d been away from Polis for too long, and she did have a responsibility to her job and the people there. And, besides, two months might go fast to her, but it was a long time for a little boy to be away from his moms. She could tell Aden was homesick.

Raven was a little homesick, too – she missed the sunny streets, the bubbling sounds of the market, the sunshine going through her window, the smells in her lab. She missed showing up at an ancient broken building with twenty grounders to see what she could salvage, finding hundreds of little treasures, delighted in making them work.

But her heart ached with the prospect of leaving. And she hadn’t even managed to tell her goddamn crush that she had feelings for her.

“You know, it’s fine if you don’t get it out now.” Lexa said. They were in synch, as always. “Luna is… very patient. It might do you good to let her know of your struggles, but she’ll let you take your time regardless.”

Raven took a deep breath and toyed with the bracelet. “I just –“

“I know.” Lexa rolled her eyes. “You don’t want to be extra work, you don’t think it’s fair to have her wait, and whatever other thing you tell yourself because you think you don’t deserve good things.”

“Going straight for my throat, huh? Absolutely no mercy.” She shook her head. “To my defense, I’m a work in progress. I’m getting better.” She took a deep breath. “For real. I think I’m becoming gentler to myself. In my mind, at least. I used to think of myself in really… derogatory ways.” Raven exhaled. “I still do, sometimes. But this place was good for me. Humanizing. I feel more like a person now.”

“Ah.” Lexa tilted her head. “I understand.”

“You do?”

“Klark is the same.” She crossed her arms over her chest and paused. Raven let her think. “Skaikru is strange. You have been told to make yourselves into unique and different individuals, at the cost of your connections with others.” She touched her fingers on the screen. “You’re lonely even when you’re among people. And it makes sense. Isolation is a tool of control. A very cruel one. I’d know – it was what Titus did to us. It took me a while to get through to Klark.” She smiled. “Still trying with you.”

“I appreciate it.” She bowed her head. “You’re getting there. Truly.” Raven took the bracelet between her fingers and tentatively slid it on her wrist. It fit perfectly. “I’ll tell her. I can make that promise. I promise that I’ll tell her before I leave.”

Lexa smirked. “I’ll hold you to that. Don’t let me down.” Her gaze softened. “Do you think I could talk to Aden again? I miss him terribly.”

“You’re such a _mom_.” Raven snorted, then smiled at her. “A good one. I wish my mom had been like you. Hang in there, I’ll go fetch the kid.”

“And I’ll go fetch Klark,” Lexa stood. “She misses him, too.”

* * *

_I’m going to let everyone down, including myself,_ Raven thought bitterly as she stepped on top of the boat that would take them to land. _Hell, even Aden looked disappointed._

He hadn’t, but Raven told herself he had so that she could maybe shame herself into action.

“You’ve accepted my gift.” Luna murmured, grabbing Raven’s hand before she could fully climb aboard. “I’m glad.”

Luna’s hand on hers felt left pinpricks on her skin. “It means something, doesn’t it?”

“Yes. A promise.” Luna met her eyes, then brought Raven’s hand to her lips and kissed it. Raven blushed. “Thank you for exchanging gifts with me. The creature you gave me is a strange one. It does not eat, and it talks in a mysterious language.”

“It’s a robot,” She mumbled, unable to tear her eyes from Luna’s face. “You don’t have to feed it. I don’t know how long the batteries will last, so don’t freak out if it dies on you. I’ll fix it when I – when I come back.” She swallowed. “And see you again. I’ll see you again. Right?”

“Yes.”

“And I – I’ll make you another arepa. And not eat it this time.” She felt her blush extend all the way to her ears. “It was for you. I just panicked.”

Luna smiled, interlacing their fingers. “You’re a weird one.”

“I –“ She stared at their hands.

_Why can’t I just fucking do this, Jesus Christ –_

“It must have been an excellent meal, for you to not even notice you were eating paper with it.”

 _This is how I die,_ she thought. _Right here, right now, of fulminating embarrassment._ “Ha-ha. Haaaa. There’s, uh. In Polis, I have more ingredients. I can make many flavors.” She looked at Luna’s beautiful dark eyes. “You can visit?”

“Lexa will die of heartache if I don’t.”

“Me, too.” The words were escaping her, and she _still_ couldn’t say the ones she wanted. She was stalling. She knew she was stalling. But Lexa had told her that Luna wouldn’t do anything if she seemed insecure, and Raven was acting like an anxious babbling fool, so she knew it was entirely on her to make the first move. “So, um. I guess this is it.”

“ _Reivon.”_ Luna took a step forward, bringing them close, then hesitated. “I –“ She tentatively brought her hand to Raven’s cheek. Raven shivered –

And then the ship’s earth-rumbling horn sounded, making her teeth rattle.

_I’m going to kill that kid._

“That’s probably your cue,” Luna stepped back, still looking at her in that unreadable way. Raven felt like she was going to melt. “Until we meet again, little bird.”

“Yeah,” She climbed on the deck. “Hopefully soon.”

The boat started moving.

_I am a DISGRACE. My ancestors are rolling in their graves._

She watched the Oil Rig move away, centimeter by centimeter. Luna was still on the shore, still watching her, and she looked so forlorn Raven felt her heart break.

“Did you kiss her?” Aden spoke. Raven hadn’t noticed him there.

“I thought you were on the command cabin blowing the horn.” She ran her fingers through his hair.

“I was, but I ran back to say bye.” He climbed on top of the rail. Raven knew she should tell him to get down, but he probably had better balance than any Arker. They should definitely climb to the higher deck, unless they wanted to get soaked. “So, did you two kiss?”

She scowled. She wanted him to be a bit more rebellious. She should have expected it to backfire into him asking too many questions. “We did not.”

“Oh.” He was _definitely_ disappointed. “I thought you liked her like Heda likes Klark.”

“I do.” Raven muttered. She could still see Luna. Aden waved, and Luna waved back.

“Then why didn’t you kiss?”

“Because –“ She grit her teeth. “Because I’m shy. And an idiot. So I didn’t tell her.”

“Ah.” Aden went still, then cupped his hands around his mouth. “AUNTIE LUNA –“

Raven realized a split second too late what he was doing.

“REIVON LIKES YOU –“

“Aden!!” She pulled him down, and he was giggling, the little bastard. “What the hell, _chico_?”

“Heda said I should do it if you two didn’t kiss.”

 _This is it_ , Raven thought, baffled. That was it – her life was a whole telenovela, complete with a bratty but lovable child, a life-saving best friend, a mysterious beautiful girl and dramatic goodbyes.

And that was it – watching the boat move away from the Oil Rig, realizing too late that she was leaving her love behind because of things which then seemed far smaller than the shrinking shapes in the distance. Pride, and fear, and anger that was only there to disguise the fear, things that faded into the background of her memories – Luna, building sandcastles with her. Luna, carrying her to a glowing ocean. Luna’s arms around her, warmer than the chill of space, Luna’s wonder watching a sky dotted by shooting stars.

That was it – a love so sweet that it made her hum cheesy songs under her breath when she got distracted, a love as warm as the faded hoodie she hadn’t returned, a love as gentle as Luna’s tentative touches, a love so bright it shed light even in the darkest corners of her mind.

She gripped the metal railings. Next to her, Aden waved cheerfuly, and Luna waved back with such a radiant smile, Raven had no doubt she'd heard his every word.

That understanding brought her to a strange kind of acceptance – that maybe life was meant to be that absurd, and that it was this ridiculousness that made it so charming and so worth living. She realized, then, that she was happy – with her decisions, even the skewered ones, and yes, with herself, flaws and imperfections and all.

She was happy, and she wanted things, one of which was to kiss that odd girl which had charmed Raven with her serenity. And so she decided right then that enough was enough and she was done wanting things and not going for them.

After all, Raven was passionate, not cautious, and she damn well knew it. So she climbed over the railing, in some mad impulse, ignoring Aden’s surprised squeal.

Then she jumped into the water.

It was an obvious mistake. Raven could swim, but poorly, and her leg definitely got in the way. She was absolutely not ready to swim in the open ocean, let alone make it all the way back to the Oil Rig. She severely overestimated her capacity to stay afloat.

It was fortunate, then, that she also overestimated how long it would take Luna to get to her, because she would definitely have drowned if Luna wasn’t there before she could even start struggling. Raven felt Luna wrap an arm around her torso, pulling her up the ship’s ladder.

“What were you _thinking_ –“

“I wasn’t thinking.” Raven coughed up water, not resisting as Luna brought her back to the deck. Raven sat up, leaning against a wall for support.

“Clearly.”

“No, I mean, I wasn’t thinking. Every time I chickened out, every time I stood by your door and turned away, every night I spent at my bed instead of yours, I wasn’t goddamn thinking.” She met Luna’s eyes. “I wasn’t thinking that I found me a love just like I wanted, and I – “Once again, her tongue felt tied and the language escaped her, but she was getting this out one way or the other. “ _Te quiero, carajos.”_

She pulled Luna in, and when their lips met, she felt as if time had stopped and the world around them had disappeared entirely. Luna inhaled in surprise, but then she climbed on top of Raven, held her face and kissed her again. Luna set a slow, thorough rhythm to it, and though Raven was eager, it was impossible to rush her.

It was amazing, the way Luna’s body pressed against her, radiating heat despite how they were both soaked. Her hands went to Luna’s waist, clumsy, and when Luna parted Raven’s lips with her tongue, Raven felt her mind go completely blank, unable to process anything but the feel of Luna’s teeth tugging her lips.

“ _Puta madre_ ,” She whispered when Luna gave her an instant to catch her breath. She felt lightheaded from it “I should have done this much sooner.”

Luna laughed. She laughed openly, loudly, in a way that was so different from her usual quiet that Raven did a double-take. Raven felt the blood rush to her cheeks just from hearing it, just from being able to witness a side of Luna that was so rare, yet so wonderful.

“You’re freezing.” Luna pulled back and ran her fingers over Raven’s jaw, tilting her chin up. “This was entirely unnecessary. I would have waited for you.”

“It was I who c-couldn’t wait.” Raven’s teeth chattered. Luna pulled her closer. “I’m in love with you.” Saying it felt like a weight being lifted off her chest, and when Luna smiled at her words, she decided the hypothermia was worth it. “I closed myself down after Finn. I didn’t want to fall in love again. But I suck at being cautious, and you – you snuck up on me. Maybe because you’re a woman and I didn’t foresee this. Or maybe because you’re just so…” _Magical_ , she thought, but didn’t say. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“And when you think of me, what do you think about?”

“I –“ Raven inhaled. It was so hard to find her words when Luna was this close, when she couldn’t escape her magnetism, the softness of her voice, her quietude that made Raven think of deep-running still waters. “I think about building things. Together. And about making you laugh, and – and how sweet you are, how everything you touch turns to magic as if you were some fae King Midas or something.” She brushed her fingers against Luna’s. “I like who you are. So much. I like all the good things you represent. And I get it now, that stupid book quote. Just knowing you exist out there somewhere – that’s more than enough.”

“It’s not enough for me.” Luna’s words sent a chill up Raven’s spine. “Not when I know I can have you.”

 _“Quiero hacer contigo lo que la primavera hace con los cerezos.”_ Raven leaned forward and brought their lips together again, feeling a thrill that set her heart racing. She could no longer tell whether her shivers were from the cold or just an inevitable reaction to Luna’s touch.

Luna smiled against her lips, then pulled away. “What does that mean?” Raven stared into her eyes, and they were so close she could see how wide Luna’s pupils were, even despite the dark of her irises. “You know I’m curious.”

“It’s from a book.”

“I figured as much.” She gave Raven a peck on the lips. “I want you to read me all your books, and teach me your musical language so that I can understand what you’re saying when you get nervous.”

“It’s all cheesy.” Raven blushed. “Cheesy quotes from cheesy love poems. They’re silly. I know they’re silly, but I memorize them anyway. Maybe that means I’m silly.”

“I don’t understand your impetuous need to make everything as dry and dull as possible.”

“It’s realism.” Raven said sheepishly. “Reality is like that.”

“Only if you want it to be.” Luna’s lips moved to the curve of Raven’s neck, and Raven closed her eyes, moaning quietly when Luna kissed her all the way to her sternum. “The words, _Reivon._ What were they?”

Raven opened her eyes and touched her shaky fingers on Luna’s cheek. She knew, when their skins touched, that she was completely and utterly lost.

“I want to do to you what spring does to cherry trees.’”

* * *

“This is the 2002 world cup finals. This is it – the big match, the reason I’ve played you all the other ones. It all culminates into this.” Raven explained, adjusting the projector. “Absolutely fucking wild game. Brazil versus Germany.”

From her comfortable position in the couch, Lexa nodded. “Who are we cheering for this time?”

“Brazil, of course.” Raven walked back to the computer and hit play. She would have cuddled up next to Lexa, but Clarke was currently hogging all of the couch, lying on Lexa’s lap. “You don’t cheer for the gringos. _Ever_.”

“Even though you said Klark is a gringo?”

Raven sat down on the fluffy fur rug, near Lexa’s feet. “You can cheer for the USA, I guess, but only when I’m not around.”

“No objections.” Clarke mumbled. Raven never thought she’d see her like this – lying on someone’s lap, peacefully having her hair braided. The Clarke Griffin the world knew was, quite frankly, terrifying. Seeing the two like that gave Raven a pang of heartache. “You girls can have your soccer –“

“Football.”

“ – whatever. I’ll cut you some slack because you’re lovesick.”

“ _Chinga tu madre,_ Clarke.” Raven scowled. “ _Gringa hija de puta_.”

“She said fuck your mother.” Lexa supplied. “Raven has been teaching me her language.”

“Thank you for the translation, love.” There was the slightest hint of sarcasm in Clarke’s tone, but Raven doubted Lexa would pick up on it. “The green handprints all over your face are in character for the game, I suppose.”

“Right, about that, I’ve been meaning to ask.” Raven turned around to look at Lexa. “What’s up with the make up? Gave up on your usual raccoon aesthetics?”

Lexa shook her head. “Aden came back spirited. He painted my face and Klark’s when we were asleep.”

“And you didn’t even let me scold him.” Clarke gave Lexa a sideways glare.

“Of course not! I value the interests he chooses to pursue. I wear this proudly!” She pointed to herself. “On my face! So he knows that I support him.”

“You’re _spoiling_ him.”

“He likes the arts!” Lexa protested. “Like you, Klark. Seeing Aden enjoy the things you do… it makes me happy.”

Raven saw the surprise cross Clarke’s expression, saw the exact moment Clarke’s resistance crumbled into dust. And then Clarke met her gaze, saw Raven staring and sighed, realizing she’d been caught. Clarke shook her head with a smile. “She’ll come for you, you know. You don’t have to look so dejected.”

“How can you possibly know that?”

“Just trust me.” Clarke shrugged. “Give her a week. She’s probably stuck imagining all the possible ways things could play out with you. Then she’ll realize it doesn’t matter because she just needs to see you again. Then she’ll dwell on that indecision some more. And _then_ she’ll show up.”

“You people are too complicated.” Raven muttered. “This is why I like Lexa.”

“I like you, too.” Lexa replied absently, eyes on the screen. “I also like the guy wearing the shirt with number eleven. He’s really good.”

Raven didn’t even have to check who it was. “Everyone likes Ronaldinho. Guy plays like a beast. They called him a wizard.”

“Like Klark.” Lexa nodded.

“Different magics, but sure.”

Clarke stared at her as if she’d committed the worst kind of treason. “It’s not magic, it’s _science_.”

 _I think Luna swayed me to the magic team,_ Raven thought. “Maybe _you_ do science. But Ronaldinho? That guy is pure sorcery.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, but smiled and gave Raven’s shoulder a comforting squeeze. “Wanna bet she’ll show?”

“If she does, I’ll make you and Lexa a sex toy –“

“Do _not_ finish that sentence.” Clarke warned.

Raven burst out laughing.

* * *

Luna showed up three days after.

It was almost comical, the way she ran into the throne room as if was being chased. Lexa was in the middle of an audience about the Polis renovations, and Raven was around to provide technical support, and when Luna walked in, Raven felt as if she’d been punched in the gut, but in a good way, if there was even such a thing.

Lexa pretended to be indignant at the break of protocol, but Raven could tell she wanted to smile. “I hope this interruption has good reason.”

“Most urgent matters, Heda.”

Lexa turned to the men. “We can continue this later. Leave us.”

Raven didn’t notice them leaving, because she couldn’t tear her eyes from Luna, and Luna did not even try to hide her shameless staring in return. Her heartbeats were faster than the ticking seconds, and the delight she felt from seeing Luna again filled her with a warmth and a love that was impossible to put into words.

She only knew the citizens had left the throne room because Luna walked to her with a purposeful stride, and Raven caught herself rushing to meet her halfway. It was an absurd, dramatic scene, but right then Raven decided that if this was how her telenovela life went, then the screenwriters were being generous and she didn’t mind it at all.

“Hey –“ Raven began, sheepishly, when she was close enough to reach.

Luna did not let her finish. When they kissed, Raven felt her thoughts dissipate, all of them except the carefully selected love words she collected in her mind, lifted from books and songs and sonnets, kept under lock for a special moment with a special person.

A moment like this, a person like Luna.

“You said you couldn’t stop thinking about me.” Luna smiled against her lips, throwing her arms around Raven’s neck. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, either.”

From the throne, Lexa cleared her throat. “Most urgent matters, I see.” She was grinning, resting her chin on her hand, and Raven knew she was terrible at hiding her amusement. “May I suggest the two of you get a room?”

“Get _us_ a room.” Luna snarled.

Lexa raised her hands in peace, her smile crinkling the corners of her eyes. “Yes, big sister, ma’am.”

“Was this your plan all along?” Luna gave Lexa a sideways glare. “Send your mechanic to seduce me, so I cannot escape the ordeal of frequently coming to Polis?”

“I always get what I want.” She stood. “I’ll give you two some privacy, but for the love of the gods, keep the clothes on. Don’t traumatize whomever I send to fetch you when your room is ready.”

“No promises.”

“Yes promises!” Raven blurted, cheeks burning. “Absolutely understood, _jefe._ ”

Luna laughed, and Raven felt breathless at the thought that she was the source of that joy. It was silly, and yet she allowed herself to be silly for once, because Luna made her heart soar, Luna made her feel as if the world was not cruel but beautiful, Luna made her want to spew all the poetry she’d held in her heart for so long.

 _“Amo la violencia con la que tu sonrisa destruye mi rutina."_ She pressed their lips together again.

Luna pulled her by the waist, pressed their bodies closely together, gripping Raven’s skin and drawing a moan from Raven when her teeth brushed against Raven’s neck. Raven gave in to it entirely, letting Luna set that excruciatingly slow yet delightful pace. It drove her insane, and she loved it.

“The words, _Reivon_.” Luna whispered close to her ear. “I want you to give yourself to me, starting with them.”

And so Raven did.

* * *

_“Faced with this awesome reality that must have seemed a mere utopia through all of human time, we, the inventors of tales, who will believe anything, feel entitled to believe that it is not yet too late to engage in the creation of the opposite utopia. A new and sweeping utopia of life, where no one will be able to decide for others how they die, where love will prove true and happiness be possible, and where the races condemned to one hundred years of solitude will have, at last and forever, a second opportunity on earth.”_

_Garcia Márquez, 1982_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's exactly 1 braincell between lexa and raven 
> 
> it’s a motor neuron
> 
> lexa uses it to flex
> 
> “do best friends like raven and lexa even exist???”  
> yes and i have been blessed with several
> 
> “won’t you translate the rest of the Venezuelan pop lyrics??”  
> there is no possible translation to ‘las gatitas no me controlan’ i’m sorry
> 
> (all the relevant parts have been translated, the rest is mostly there for flavor)
> 
> “but buttons the grounders are too ooc, we know that in canon they hate and shame the disabled and they even kill babies with deformities in their cribs –“  
> yes exactly see I fixed it
> 
> “Why do you make grounder culture so positive?”  
> because I am EXHAUSTED of “aha! These lands have natives and those natives are SAVAGES! This is a brilliant take” 
> 
> fuck that. This is a fantasy culture which can be whatever I want it to be and I have decided to make it Better Than Us because the real savagery is LATE STAGE CAPITALISM ACTUALLY -
> 
> “but I think its not realisti–“  
> FUCK you get outta my fic and go back to your canon black blood that filters radiation
> 
> "what was the goal of this fic?"  
> to serve as a gateway drug into latin american literature. preferably read in spanish 
> 
> here I'd like to clarify that i can read spanish but not write it so @people commenting in spanish i entirely understand you i just reply in english cause i don't wanna butcher the ñs 
> 
> "i ended up lowkey shipping lexa and raven"  
> i wont deny the idea crossed my mind


End file.
